CAT scan update & sick

I'm sorry that I didn't update sooner on how my CAT scan went, but it was a nightmare and very traumatic experience.


First off, I needed to get there at 8am, we live a hour away from the hospital/clinic, and we left late. So we got there late. I got signed in, the tech came out with my cup of barium (which I had already told the previous tech when I called to put on my chart that I would NOT drink the barium) Barium = liquid contrast. The tech explained to me that without the contrast the scan would not look good, yes I already knew that, but I physically can't drink the barium or I get very sick. So, then the tech brought me back to the IV room, and that's where the nightmare began. I got stuck 5 times by 2 different nurses. Each stick hurt more and more. By the end of 30 min. I was on a lot of oxygen because I was so close to passing out, from the heavy breathing and the pain from being stuck so many times.

So, I ended up having no contrast at all, which the radiologist wasn't happy about, but there was nothing more that I could do. But this isn't the first time this year I have had a scan with no contrast.
 In May, when I had my cardiac MRI, I got stuck 9 times, all with no luck, so I got no contrast for that scan either.

For those that don't know, contrast helps to outline/ show more of the organs. The use it for special MRI's and CAT scans.

Also, Sunday night I got really sick and I still am. My fever spiked to 102.5 (103 is my limit to take a trip to the ER). My oxygen stats were really low, so I required more oxygen for most of the night.

Plus, I had been up since Wednesday with very little to no sleep at all. I slept most of the day Monday, but my fever is still elevated and I'm still on the oxygen. I haven't gotten out yet while on the oxygen, so I've had to cancel all appts. for Monday and Tuesday.

However, I have 4 Dr. appts. next week. I'm going to see my Infectious Disease Dr. , my cardiologist, my pulmonologist, and my pain management Dr.

Please keep me in your prayers as I recover from being sick, and I can get more sleep. I've also screwed up my knee again (the same knee I fractured in February). I have been really hurting and can't put a lot of weight on it. Pray that it gets better.

Big Update

This is going to be long, but here is my big update about everything that has happened in the past month.

First off, my surgery on April 22nd was my 5th surgery this year alone. My body was already run down, tired, and still healing from the first 4 surgeries I had.

So, on April 22nd, I went and had my surgery to insert the Spinal Cord Stimulator into my back (in between my shoulder blades) and the battery box into my right hip.Everything went great and I was home within 2 days. While at home, I had a home health care nurse and occupational therapist come out 3 times a week. Nursing wise, everything looked fine. I was also on very strong anti-biotics, just to be on the safe side.
The following Friday, April 30th, I had an appt. to actually turn the SCS on, but when I did it didn't feel the same as it did when I had my trial surgery for the SCS. So, I turned it off and called the tech, and we scheduled to meet.
I was doing well. Going places, spending time with family. But, I wasn't back to my old self.
All that changed the day of May 5th. The following night, I went out to dinner with my mom, aunt, and grandmother. We went to Chili's to support their churchs' youth group. I remember that I came home and went to bed, feeling OK.
about 3am on Wednesday I woke up feeling HORRIBLE. I started running a fever, and I hurt all over and was in horrible pain. My fever kept climbing, so at 5am, I woke my mom and she figured out how sick I was. She took me to the closest ER which is only 10 min. away. They took me back immediatly, and my fever was 106.3 . My blood pressure was dangerously low. At this point I don't remember much of what they started doing for me. I know that they ran pretty much every test in the book. I had blood work (which showed I had an infection), a CT scan, x-rays, 2 spinal taps ( I remember being awake for both, and asking to be sedated and they didn't. Those hurt so bad, more than anything else did). I remember being asleep, and suddenly being woken up because I had several bags of ice placed all over my body because they couldn't get my fever to go down. It took almost 12 hours for my fever just to drop 2-3 degrees. It took 5 days before my temp. returned to normal.  After all tests had been run, they finally thought to look at my hip and back, where I had just had surgery. That's when the realized that I had developed sepsis ( a severe blood infection). I was transferred by ambulance to a different hospital, one the my neurosurgeon worked at. I had surgery exactly 2 weeks after I had my SCS put in, to take it out, and thus remove what was causing the infection.  I was placed in the ICU for 4 days, and was in and out of consciousness. I remember that I would start talking in my sleep, so they would sedate me.
I was eventually moved to a regular room, and was dismissed from the hospital 2 days later.
Looking back on everything and doing research, I'm glad I don't remember much. I learned that if sepsis is not treated quickly that people can die from it and in most cases people have alot of damage and trauma to their internal organs, but I have no lasting effects.

I go back to the neurosurgeon in August to discuss having the SCS put back in. The SCS is my only way to be able to get off all these pain meds.

After I got home, my mom told me that one of the tests showed that I have a deformation on my heart, and the Dr.'s told her to get me in to see a cardiologist. I saw her last week, and she did an EEG of my heart and it came out a little off, so tomorrow I am going in to have an Echo done of my heart and to get fitted to do a 24 hr Holter Moniter test. I'll get my results in a week.

ER trip Round 2

Yesterday, Sunday, I spent about 5 hrs in the ER. I have been in much more increased pain, especially when eating and trying to do tube feeds. Since I went to the ER at 4am, there wasn't a wait and I got into a room almost immediatly. I was also at this same ER 10 days ago, for what I thought was a different problem, but by the time I was released I realized both trips were for the same issue.
The Dr. did a radiograph, which means I had some really thick dye inserted into my tube to see if maybe I had a leak in my tube. Good news is no leak. Bad news is that my bowels are about 9-10 ft backed up. I didn't think that was the problem since I have been on extra fiber and pills to help regulate my bowels (and I thought they were working) since my 1st visit 10 days ago, but I was so wrong. The extra pain that I am having is because anytime I eat anything there is nowhere for the food to go since I am so backed up. So, tomorrow I will be starting a drink that is normaly given to patients who are about to have a colonoscopy. Luckily, I will not have to actually drink it, but I can put it through my tube. I have to have atleast 3 liters (think of the 3 liter bottles of coke) to have any chance to completly empty my bowels. But, because of my ongoing gastro issues, there is a higher chance that I will have more side effects from drinking/ pushing this stuff.
Please pray that this stuff will work, and I won't have any or many side effects from it.
Also, while I was in the ER, I asked for some extra pain meds, and they gave me a lollipop version on the pain med I am currently on. They called it "pain med on a stick". It was a much higher version than what I am currently on, but after eating/licking it, I was totally pain free for 24 hrs. It also completly knocked me out and I slept for almost 16 hrs. I am glad they gave it to me, because after having both nerve blocks and nerve ablaton fail, I didn't know that my current pain med came in a different form or a higher dose.
I am going to see my pain Dr. next week to ask him where I go from here. With the failed injections and the pain getting worse, (not from this issue) I want to discuss my options about my pain care, and after having that extra pain pop I know that there are additional meds that I can try.
Please also be in prayer that I can remain healthy. I have been feeling more sick recently, and I feel that I am coming down with an upper respiratory infection or pneoumnia. I have the all the symptoms of both, but there is nothing I can take until I become sicker or start running a fever.

Thanksgiving?

Tomorrow is my family's Thanksgiving Dinner, since most of us will be at the beach next week.
Thanksgiving doesn't mean much to me this year. I've always been big into Thanksgiving and at family dinner going around the room and saying what we are thankful for, but this year, not so much. Since I've been so sick this year, had 3 pain blocking procedures and they all failed, lost my grandfather, and pretty much lived a non existent life, what do I have to be thankful of?
I'm still alive, but I am no closer to being off the pain meds than I was last year, the Dr's have given up on finding what is wrong with me, I have no friends, no contact with the outside world, except through the internet.
With my stomach problems, don't know what I will be able to eat tomorrow, plus I am having additional digestive issues that required a 5 hr ER visit yesterday.
I seriously don't feel thankful for anything except for the fact that I am still alive.

On the other hand, I have found another person that has the same syndrome that I do. She is a 3 yr old little girl and she is the first person, other than me that I have heard of that has my syndrome. She could use some prayers as she has been really sick and in the hospital for the past few weeks. Her name is Eithene and you can find out more about her here: http://www.fromthebanksofjordan.blogspot.com/ .

Also, if any of my readers are artistic in blog creation, I could really use some help with a blog redo. I try to add templates, but my words either get cut off or it looks strange. I don't want to go all out, but just something cheap and cute would help.

How I Feel

First off, Stellan is still in the PICU and still in his hometown. It seems that God is once again working a miracle through his life. To find out more, click his prayer button to the right.
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On to how I feel.

I have been recently diagonised with post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.
People that usually have PTSD are military men & women who have fought in war(s), first responders (police, firefighters, EMS, etc), people who have witnessed first hand some kind of horrible bad thing (a murder, a rape victim, bombing victims, car accident victims, etc).
Other people that might have it are people like me. People who have spent countless months or years in and/or out of the hospital, who have been very close to death, who have been told there is nothing more medically that can be done, etc.

These past 8 weeks have been the longest ever. It's also been the longest time in the past 16 months that I've been out of the hospital/ER.
But, it's also been the longest time that I've been away from God. And the reprucussions from that are just hitting me. No church, no prayer, no Bible reading, nothing. Slowly, I am starting to see that abandoning God was probably not the smartest idea. But, I am having great questions of how a God so loving and kind and who doesn't want to see His children hurting, can let a child of His hurt for so long.
In 15 months I have gone from a healthy, life loving, love to work, always in Church on Sunday person to a weak, sick, can barely get out of bed much less the house, haven't been to church in 6 weeks person.
And all for what? At first I thought, and I still do think , it was because God wanted to use me to show people that even though I was sick and fighting for my life, I was still living for Him and I was more than willing to let God work through me. But now, I'm not so sure.

But, the one thing that I am sure of is this: no matter how far I go down the road without God, He is ALWAYS there, waiting with open arms for His children to return.
The following song is how I feel now.
It is by Natalie Grant, and the title is "I Will Not Be Moved".

I have been a wayward child, I have acted out.
I have questioned sovereignty, and had my share of doubts.
And though sometimes, my prayers feel like there bouncing off the sky,
the hand that holds won't let me go, and is the reason why.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand, I will not be moved.
Bitterness has plagued my heart, many times before,
My life has been a broken glass,
and I have kept the score, of all my shattered dreams,
and though it seemed, that I was far too gone,
my brokenness helped me to see, it's grace I'm standing on.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved
And chaos in my life, has been a badge I've worn, and though I have been torn,
I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand,

I will not be moved

Mid-Week Update

Well, I am not going to Dallas this weekend. I can't seem to feel better and by mid-afternoons my voice is gone completly and my coughing fits have started. If this is the way it is, I don't want to travel somewhere for 4 hrs and spend all weekend away from home and my bed.
I am still not "officially"sick, I just have a sore throat, cough, congestion, and on and off low grade fever.
This morning I went to the pain management Dr. for a med check, and those appts. usually take between 1-2 hrs, this morning took less than 20 min. Everything went fine, except that according to their scale, I've lost 6lbs in 10 days or 14lbs in 4 weeks. That's what happens when a person doesn't eat much other than baby food, pudding, and jello. According to my scale, the weight loss is more drastic.

The weather here has been in the mid 80s all week, but this weekend is suppose to be in the 70s, so I'm going to try to start a little garden or just but some plants/flowers and put them into pots. We'll see.

2 important anniversaries this week

This week is a very somber week for me. Sunday the 15th, marked the 1 year anniv. of the death of my dog Zephyr. I know that some of you are thinking, but it was just a dog, but Zephyr was so much more than that. I got Zephyr from my uncle, she was the runt of 10. I got her when she was just 7 weeks old. She NEVER left my side. She slept/cuddled with me every night. She was the type of dog that I could let off the leash and she'd stay close, she LOVED to swim and be in the water. We went swimming together often. She was my best friend. I got the the day I came home from St. Louis the 1st time we went because of my esophagus. She saw me through the next 2 years of some really hard times.
Last year my mom & I decided that it was best to put her to sleep due to her totally destructive behavior. Yes we did puppy class, and all that, but it was later determine that something was genetically wrong with her and her whole litter, as all the puppies were eventually put to sleep. I remember the Vet. giving her the shot, and her falling asleep in my arms.

The next day is THIS Friday the 20th, which will mark the 1 yr anniv. death of my grandfather. Now, my grandfather and I weren't close, but he was still family. He died after suffering several massive and many strokes. The 1st massive stroke he had was on March 4th, and he would go on to suffer many other mini and some other large strokes over the next 16 days. I know that he is in Heaven with his 3 other wives that went on before him.

Zephyr Grandpa JO

Please keep me in your prayers as I go through this week. This maybe the last time I post for awhile. I may be going out of town this weekend for a King-Tut exhibit with my family. The only thing keeping me from going is the fact that I am getting sick, but am not sick yet. I just can't seem to get over it. I've been drinking OJ and taking robatussin for the past few days. Please pray that I don't get sick, and can go this weekend.

Updates on Me, Abby & Dakota

I know that I haven't really posted anything about me this week, everything has been focused toward Dakota and Abby. So tonight is for me, but also for Abby and Dakota, since things are happening in both their worlds.

Me first.
I have been very bloated/swollen in my abdomen all week, and it is not getting better. I was going to do tube feeds everyday this week, but when I didn't digest Tuesday night's tube feed, I knew that I shouldn't try again until I got rid of Tuesday's feed. I am very uncomfortable. I've been trying to walk more and drink more water, but nothing is happening. I've also been taking Miralax and digestive health pills, but no effect yet. My pain, I think is leveling out. I've been taking less pills, more hours apart.
Most of this week has been wet, rainy, and cold; and I am starting to feel the effects from that. My throat is getting sore, and my lymph nodes are starting to swell. I really hope that I am not getting sick, but just fighting something. This Sunday is my aunt's birthday, and I really wanted to go to her party, but if I'm sick, I won't be going anywhere.

Now, for the little girls.
Dakota, was suppose to go home today, but didn't make it. They will try for tomorrow. Her volume of feeds per hour has been going up and down, and it must be at 50ml/hr for her to go home. She's was at 40-45ml/hr, most of the day.
Abby, is taking a turn for the worse again. Her infection is getting worse, and she has no blood cells to fight the infection. Her dad said that she is starting to look "pregant" and that she is so swollen that her veins are showing through the skin. PLEASE pray hard for her. She is only 4 yrs old, and she shouldn't be going through this. She needs a miracle now, and I know that God is still in the business of working miracles.

Update on Life

Last week was a really crappy week because I had 2 really good "leads" as far as medical stuff goes.
The first was for a local health clinic, and the second was an appt. with a local surgeon that does a fairly new surgery that would help me stomach.
The first fell through, because I don't make enough money. A person has to make $1,300 a month, and my disability checks are only $528 a month.
The appt. with the surgeon fell through because they wouldn't accept me because I don't have insurance. And my normal surgeon doesn't do that sort of surgery.
But also during this past week, I have been in alot of pain, especailly when eating, and because of that I have lost 10lbs in 1 week.
The only and last chance is to go back to my reg. surgeon and see if he will put a new feeding tube in. But, the entire reason why I stopped doing tube feeds was because it hurt too much.
When I was in the ER in December the ER Gastro. Dr came to the conclusion that I need to have exploratory surgery in my digestive tract to see what was going on and causing all the pain and trouble eating.
I don't know if my reg. surgeon would do that.

So, I am at a dead end road. And I'm sick of this. I want my old life back and I don't want to keep being sick. And we are coming up on 1 year of dealing with this, still with NO answers.
I have no friends, and I'm so lonely. I haven't been to church in 6 months and I miss it so bad. I have no church family that would do "church famly" things because I was in the middle of switching churches before I got sick. I don't want to spend time with the family, because every family function revolves around eating, and I CAN'T DO THAT!!!
I feel that no matter how many people pray, I keep getting worse. I don't have any energy to get out of the house because I can't eat, but yet my mom harps on me to get out of the house, but when I try, I run out of stamina quickly.

I don't know what else to ask people to pray for that hasn't already been prayed for. I just know that I can't keep go like this much longer.

Please just pray that something will change.

Getting Worse

I am getting worse, and don't know what else can be done.
My stomach is shutting down. Because of that my naseau has come back. But, I cannot physically throw-up, so I can't rid myself of the naseau.
I am going to the surgeon next Monday to discuss removal of my gallbladder, getting a new feeding tube put in, and doing something with my stomach.
Also, the botox injection in my esophagus DID NOT work. I am still having trouble swallowing my food and with it getting stuck.

Thankfully, I have finally found a pain med that controls my pain and is not that expensive. But, I am eating significantly less.

Please pray that the surgeon will be able to do something next week, so I don't have to wait.

Very Sick Again

Below is an e-mail that I sent that tells of how my Dr.s visit went:

I am writing this e-mail to let you know that I am sick again, or still, meaning that I never got over my pneoumnia from 2 weeks ago. But this time I know where I 'm going to end up. My mom is taking me to the ER first thing tomorrow morning, only because I'm putting it off till then. I went to my General Dr. this afternoon, and to say that she was shocked by what she saw would be an understatement. My feet and legs ( especailly my left one) are so swollen that I can't wear any shoes, and even wearing flip-flops is hard. My left foot is so swollen that it hurts to walk or put any weight on it. Now, I have had problems with my feet swelling in the past, but never this much, and never have they not gotten better by walking. My Dr. wants me to go to the ER and have x-rays, blood work, and a doppler study in my legs to check for possible blood clots or another cause of the swelling. But also, I am still having a lot of trouble with my asthma and being very short of breath. My home meds are not working, so she wants me to get a chest x-ray to see if the pneoumnia has come back. The second option for that case is one that's a bit extreme, but I'm an extreme patient. The one drug that will help and cure all my respiratory issues, I am allergic/very senstive to. If I can find a Dr. that is will to admit me and give me that drug, through an IV, and keep me under close supervision of the Dr and nurses, I can have it, but I must be closely guarded. Most Dr.'s won't do it, but because I am so far gone, by GP is willing to back me up on the idea and is happy to talk to any Dr. that wants to do it. I am praying that I can find a Dr. that is willing to do it, because I know that it will work, and physcailly I have gotten to the point that I am only going to get worse without it.

Timless Thursday

First off, I want to say HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY to Gwyneth Rose !!! She's come a long way this past year and it's is only be God's grace and all of the prayers that HE answered that she is here today! Please visit her page to wish her a happy birthday and don't forget to wear pink and/or brown today in honor of her. Also, her mom Tricia, is having minor surgery this morning, so please keep her in your prayers as well.

Today I have 2 Dr. appts. The first is for my pain management, which I need to see because the meds that I were on have stopped working. But, when I was in the hospital 2 weeks ago we found out that a med that we thought I was allergic to, I'm, not anymore, so that opens quite a few doors in that direction.
The 2nd appt. is with my primary dr. and I was suppose to have it on Monday, but I had a migrane Monday and didn't get out of bed. I have alot of issues going on right now, but my 2 biggest is my asthma is not under control, making breathing very difficult for me. And 2ndly, my feet are very swollen. So swollen that I can't wear shoes. This has happened before, but it had never taken this long for the swelling to go down. They've been swollen for a week, and I have been walking as much as I can, but to no avail. I am hoping that she can give me some meds that will make the swelling go down.

I am doing OK, considering. I don't know what time, if ever I went to sleep last night, but I've been up since 5:30am, cleaning my rooms. I re-arranged my bedroom last night, in order to make room for a 26" flat screen tv, and a huge table for it to sit on. So, everyting that was in my room is now in the computer room, so I have been going through all the junk and sorting: 1 pile for trash, 1 pile for recycling, and 1 pile for Goodwill.

That's all for this morning, I'll update as soon as I get home from the Dr.'s.

Sick Again

I am sick again or still sick. I have been dealing with a cold, allergies and asthma for almost 3 weeks now, it is wearing me down so much. I took another trip to the ER all day on Monday after having several asthma attacks Sunday and Monday. Also, my feet have swollen again, but this time so bad that I have to have help getting out of bed. Also while in the ER, my oxygen was not stable was was going up and down all day, and was on O2, and it was still unstable. Then when I got home I realized the the Dr. had written the wrong drug down on the prescription, and when my mom took the presrciption to the pharmacy, is was noticed that the Dr. also didn't write a quanity on one of the meds. So, I am at home, still feeling like I did yesterday and have no meds to take to help me get better. I have an appt. NEXT Wed. to go to the my GP doctor, but I will not make it till next Wed. without the meds that I need. I slept all day today and still feel very bad.
Please pray that we can get my meds figured out and that I don't have to take another trip to the ER.

Welcome to our World

Faith Clare Stanfield
November 12th, 2008
6:24PM
6lbs 11oz
18 inches

This family has been on quite an emotional roller coaster this past year. Faith is an answer to so many prayers. Please take time to check out her mom's page and look at this beautiful baby girl.

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I am having a really bad week. I have been fighting a cold/allergies/asthma for almost 2 weeks now, and it is finally catching up to me, and now my mom.I have been running a fever all day today and tylenol didn't help. I went to the pain management Dr. yesterday and he put me on a new pain med, in addition to the morphine. It is going to take me a while to get used to it. It has some odd side effects.
I feel horrible and look it too. I have stopped eating solid foods again, and have gone back to liquids and soft foods (pudding, jello, soup, crackers, applesauce, and yogurt). Tomorrow, I will start tube feeding again.
I have alot on my mind that I will get out and sort when I feel better.

Does anyone really care?

I haven't felt good this week at all. I have spent the last 2 days in bed and never got out of my gown. I don't know if it is allergies ( which are bothering me) or something else going on. I have been in alot of pain and relying heavly on my morphine. Today I've been queazy as well.

My mom, grandmother, and all my aunts are going to Odessa, TX for the weekend, leaving me alone all weekend. With me feeling the way I am I am sensing that something is going to happen. Luckly, I have spoken with the pastor of my church and have an emergency plan in place if I do have to go to the ER.

I love the chuch that I have been going to. So much so that I think that I am going to join when I go back, which will probably be this Sunday, since my best friend wants to go as well.
The following is an e-mail that I sent to some of the staff of this church on my feelings for this church, and my feelings for the church that I am a member of.

"I just wanted to say thanks for all the support that I have been getting from the members of your church. Part of the reason I quit going to my previous church and left my community group there was because the whole time I was sick and in the hospital over the summer, I got no phone calls, e-mails, visits, etc. It hurt me that a church that big (2,500+ members) and with so many people on staff (60+ people on staff), and the closeness that I had with the members of my community group no one made any effort to check on me during my hospital stays. My thinking is that the whole point of church and especially community groups is to be there for each other and to life each other up in time of hardships,and I got none of that. But, since I have been coming to your church and the 1 time I made it to CG, I have gotten numerous e-mails, cards, and even a gift certificate for my mom and me. The people of your church is what makes that church great. "

I have always been the type of person who sends card to the sick, and really take time out to check on them. I can't believe that the people of that church and the members of my past CG, couldn't take time to do the same for me. My therapist wants me to write an outline or draft letter to send to the people on staff to let them know how they hurt me and how they might be able to change the next time someone like me comes into that church needing assistance.
God says " Love one another the way that I have loved you." I never felt that love from them. But, I do feel it from the staff and members of my new church. I really feel God's love when I am there and even when I'm not.
Don't forget to take time to show someone you care. Either by card, e-mail, a phone call, or a visit. People will remember your kindness and will pay it forward.

Infant Remberance Day

This next Wed. , Oct. 15, 2008 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rembrance Day. Please go to this website to read all about the history of this day and how what people can do to remember the infants that have passed away before their lives have been fully lived.


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I am still sick. Not so much with the flu anymore, but I'm having really hard problems with my asthma, and my feet are still swelling. I didn't sleep much last night, so I wanted to nap this afernoon, but when I lay down I start coughing and have an asthma attack. If I fall below the danger level for my peak flows, then I have to go to the ER to get a better nebulizer treatment. I am taking neb. treatments here at home, but they aren't really doing anything to help me. My feet are continuing to swell and are hurting more. If I am still like this on Monday I am too call the Dr. back and get some tests done to see what is causing the swelling.

But the good thing about being sick is my loss of an appetite, which means that I am able to take my tube feeds at ease and with no problems at all.

Wednesday night

I have a longer post in the works, but I have been sick with sinus stuff, that I was in bed all day yesterday and should have been today. Eating is going better, so not much of a need for tube feeds. But, I'm using the medicine port on my tube much more for liquid meds, which is cool cuz then I don't have to taste them.
I'll post longer tomorrow with Ike pics that I have found that are amazing.
Tonight I went to a new community group with a new church, that was quite different from my old community group. More on that tomorrow.

Feeding Tube and Starting Point

I am sick. I have a disease in which there is no cure. Sometimes I think that I may die from this. I have spent many weeks of this summer in the hospital, having test after test ran, all with no answers. Finally, my body gave out, and I had sugery to insert a feeding tube. It is from that I will be getting most of my nourishment for the next I don't know how long. My future looks bleak. No matter how many people pray, I am getting worse.
But, this much I am sure of. No matter how sick I get, I know that God is with me. As I look back at major events from the last 2-3 years, I see that everything was leading up to this moment, this time. Everything that happened has some part in this. It is a total God thing, and I wish that I had trusted Him more. What happens after this, I don't know.
I may die from this, but I know that God is using me and my illness to transform the lives of others.
John 9:3 says " so this has happened so that the works of God might be displayed in his life."
My prayer is that God is using me, to show others Him and His powers.