Friday morning

Nothing big going on here. It was HOT today, but suppose to rain all day tomorrow.
I did end up having a very unexpected emergency surgery Monday afternoon, but I am already recovered from it and now I'm looking forward to my nerve block this coming Monday morning.
Actually, I am a little scared and nervous of the procedure, as I have never had one before and I'm scared of what could happen and what could go wrong. Hopefully, it will work and I will be able to go off the fentanyl for a while.

I have a prayer need for a family I have mentioned before. The family in Houston that has sextuplets. Three of them died shortly after birth, and 3 girls are still alive. The girls are now 2 mths. Ashlyn, the smallest weighing in at 13oz, is not doing well. Some of her systems are shutting down, and even though she is still on a vent, she is fighting for oxygen and not breathing well. She has been fighting for a while now, but now it seems that she may be loosing this fight.
Please pray for the baby. Pray for the parents. Pray that the Dr. & nurses will be able keep this little girl alive.

Stellan and update on my appt.

My appt. with the new pain management Dr. went pretty poorly today. I was not happy when I left his office and I haven't stopped crying since.
Pretty much the following is going to happen... for now. I will stay on the pain patch. They are NOT cheap. For 5 patches it was $120, I don't know how much 10 patches will be. While I am on the patches I CANNOT drive, as if something were to happen (car accident) it would be discovered that I am wearing a pain patch and would be at fault for driving while under the influence of a controlled substance.
Driving is my one last normalacy in my life. I have a birthday next week, and I feel that instead of moving toward becoming a full adult, that I am having to rely on my mom more and more know and it is turnng me back into a child.
The new Dr. wants me to see a different pain Dr, who has a 2 month waiting list, who has different therapies and techaniquies that would help me better.
The new Dr. said (and very bluntly at that) that I would never get better with pain control. I will be in pain for the rest of my life, and other than making me comfortable, there is no cure.

I used my savings to go and see this new Dr. and that money was what I used to pay for other Dr. appts, to pay for my prescriptions, and to buy my groceries and pay my bills. Now that money is gone and I don't know what is going to happen.
I will be able to start using Medicare in Aug. of this year, but I still have to pay some out-of-pocket until then. And now to go and see an different Dr. will cost more money.

There are so many"ifs" right now, and I don't know what is going to happen. I have started having daily anxiety/panic attacks, and have run out of the meds to treat them.
I am so lost right now. I feel like I am doing this all on my own, and while my mom is trying to do her best, her mom is sick too, so my mom is having to choose between staying home and taking care of me or going and taking care of my grandmother.

I feel like I am walking down this road alone and that I don't have any support or true friends that I can turn to. I don't see that light at the end of the tunnel and don't see a way out.
I will say that there are several other factors that play into this as well, that I don't want to share, but need prayer for. But, I feel that no matter how many people pray, my life and the situations in it just keep getting worse.
I feel abandoned by my family and "so-called friends/acquaintances" and by God.
I don't know how else to ask for prayers, when I don't see them working.
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On a different note. Stellan was taken back to the ER this afternoon and has been admitted to the PICU. His SVT is out of control and the meds are NOT working. His Dr. has been consulting with the Dr. in Boston, but a decision to be made is still up in the air. Please pray that his SVT will stop and he will not have to be in the hospital for long. You can read about this latest hospitalization and all updates on his mom's page.

Post # 100

Wow, 100 posts! When I started this blog last year, I never thought that I would be using it as a way to communicate with people about my illness, because I never thought that I was going to get so sick. I never thought that I would find so many "blogging friends". I never thought that I would have so many prayer warriors all over the world.
But, I did get sick. I hovered near death for so long. I have found so many "blogging friends". And I know that I have prayer warriors all over the world.
I use this blog as my way of getting my emotions and feelings out. I use it to sort through my thoughts and to ask for prayer for my other "blogging friends".

So, in honor of my 100th post, here are 25 random things about me:

1. I have never broken a bone
2. I have been bit by my dogs over 110 times, requiring surgery to put my hand back together and repair a torn tendon.
3. I have been a nanny for almost 16 years, and have volunteered with Quints, and will volunteer with the new set of Quints when they come home from the hospital.
4. I can go barefoot or wear flip-flops 100% of the time, if I could.
5. I love sour candy
6. I have never not had a pet.
7. I am the youngest of 9 cousins
8. I hope to one day fall in love and have the guy I fall in love with fall in love with me.
9. My biggest pet-peeve is when people drive down the road with their blinkers on, but they never turn.
10. I have had botox injections 3 different times in my esphagus and stomach.
11. I love watching the blood and guts shows on tv, but can't stand to look at it in real life.
12. I have a deep tradition in going to church, but currently, I've been to sick to go. :(
13. I am a HUGE Texas Longhorn fan
14. I used to do gymnastics in elementary school and high school.
15. I want to go back to school one day, but don't know what to major in.
16. When I was a little kid I wanted to be a Marine Biolgist or Zoologist.
17. I love listening to music on my IPOD.
18. I am not a creative, artsy person, but which I was.
19. I heard Billy Graham live, when I was a youth.
20. I graduated in the top 20% of my class of 600, 10 years ago this May.
21. I am an only child.
22. I have no living grandfathers left.
23. I love roller coasters.
24. I have been to the top of Pike's Peak and the St. Louis Arch.
25. I have lived in the same house for 21 years

Welcome to our World

Faith Clare Stanfield
November 12th, 2008
6:24PM
6lbs 11oz
18 inches

This family has been on quite an emotional roller coaster this past year. Faith is an answer to so many prayers. Please take time to check out her mom's page and look at this beautiful baby girl.

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I am having a really bad week. I have been fighting a cold/allergies/asthma for almost 2 weeks now, and it is finally catching up to me, and now my mom.I have been running a fever all day today and tylenol didn't help. I went to the pain management Dr. yesterday and he put me on a new pain med, in addition to the morphine. It is going to take me a while to get used to it. It has some odd side effects.
I feel horrible and look it too. I have stopped eating solid foods again, and have gone back to liquids and soft foods (pudding, jello, soup, crackers, applesauce, and yogurt). Tomorrow, I will start tube feeding again.
I have alot on my mind that I will get out and sort when I feel better.