Friday, March 23, 2012


My mom was taken to a hospice home this evening. The Dr.'s have done all they can for my mom, but she still needs alot of nursing care. The Dr.'s told my family that my mom doesn't have very much time left.
We didn't know how bad the cancer is, but it is all over her body, and spreading more quickly than they can keep up. Plus, she hasn't been responding to the meds thy are giving her.
I am heartbroken. I love my mother so much, and she and I are all we have. I can't imagine losing her this way and this fast.
My family (my mom's brother and sisters and her mom) are heartbroken to, my mom got sick so quickly that this totally blindsided us.
So know I am in my  mind planning my mom's funeral, thinking of what I am going to do after she is gone; continue living in our house, or something else.

Please pray for a miracle, and if not that than pray for peace... for all of us, especially my mom. That she won't die alone and in pain.

Also, I had my 4th surgery this year, this past Tuesday. It was to put in a NG (nasel-gastric) tube. It's not doing real well, and I will hopefully and probably be having this tube pulled out next week. The next and last choice is TPN (liquid feeds given through an IV or port )  feeds. My Dr. told me that he was quite certain that this tube wasn't going to work, given my past history with feeding tubes; but we had to try it, to say we did, and not just skip to the TPN feeds. 

I have quite a bit of other health issues going on that I need to be addressed soon, but who do I put first. Myself, who isn't strong enough physically to deal with all that is going on with my mom. Or my mom, who is dying and we don't know how long she will be here for.
It's a hard choice, but I am keeping my eyes toward Heaven and trusting that God will lead me down the right path.

Please just continue praying for my family, myself, and my mom.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012


I found out yesterday that my mom has cancer... again.
She got breast cancer my senior year of high school, a month before I graduated.
This time though she doesn't have breast cancer, she has cancer in her left hip and bone. And it's a different type of cancer from what the breast cancer was.
Thankfully, she returned to her old oncologist, and he has already started her on cancer meds.
On top of this, my mom is also having alot of neurological issues. She has short term memory loss, she has been shaking really bad, and some other neuro issues. We are going to see the neuro Dr. tomorrow, and she will order tests: MRI, blood work, etc, and we will wait again for more results and see what is wrong with my mom's brain.
Please keep my mom in your prayers. She is my primary caregiver... I am sick too and have been for the past 5 years. I have had 20 surgeries in the past 2 years alone, and I am having my 2nd surgery this year in 2 weeks to put in a 3rd feeding tube (my stomach doesn't work). My Dr.'s are not optimistic about this tube working, but it's the last chance that I have. If it doesn't work, or my body rejects it, then I will have to begin IV/TPN nutrition, and that is only used as a last result. But, I have lost 30 lbs in less than 3 months, and I am losing weight everyday, and my body can't keep up. I'm only eating about 600 calories a day, which is nowhere near where a normal person would eat.
I have several other major health issues that need to be addressed too, but me getting nutrition in me is the 1st and highest priority.

Please just pray for my mom and me. Pray for our family. Pray for the Dr.'s that are treating us.

Thank you for your prayers.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

New Allergy

A few weeks ago, I went to see an Allergist because I had been having some "allergy attacks" that required visits to the ER and shots of meds to get me through.
I didn't know what was causing the attacks, and I still don't, but I haven't had any lately.
The allergist did want to do the standard allergy test, so I had some blood taken and waited for 2 weeks. I got a call on Monday morning from the nurse and she said that allergy test results were back and aside from all the normal things I knew I was allergic to, a new allergy showed up. I am allergic to latex. Knowing that answers so many questions I have had about my health, but it brings up so many more questions.
Latex is in thousands of products, so many that there is a website that lists things that have latex in them.
I'm going to have to start avoiding things, that up until recently I had been able to be around.

Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas!


Saturday, December 24, 2011

Christmas Eve

It is officially Christmas Eve. It's 12:45am, I've been awake for 36 hours. Shopping, returning clothes that I didn't use from the wedding that I went to last weekend, more shopping, and spending time with my mom. I'm so tired, but I can't help but let my mind wander tonight.
I don't remember what I did last Christmas. I barely remember what I did last week for that matter.
Being on massive doses of pain meds isn't good for the memory.
Thinking ahead to one scheduled surgery in January and another not scheduled, but going to happen surgery is going to be a hard way to start the new year. Every year since 2008 I have had atleast 5 surgeries a year. In 2010, I had 13 surgeries. This year, 2011, I've had 2 plus 8 more surgical procedures. And already for 2012 I have 1 scheduled and one to schedule.

I hope to remember this Christmas. To remember where I am in life. To remember spending time with my family. To remember spending time with my grandmother (who turns 90 in January). To remember the laughter, the smiles, the love, and remember that I have a family that loves and cares for me, and for that I am blessed.

As you go about this Christmas Eve, take time to remember the small stuff. Remember why we celebrate Christmas. Remember that little baby that was born so many years ago, a Savior who came for us all.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Fall 2011

I haven't updated since May and I haven't had anything big happen.
I am still battling a several different medical issues: a bummed knee (that will require surgery to fix), degenerative disc disorder in my lower back, heart issues, frequent pneumonia (caused by aspirating, can only be fixed by surgery), severe pain problems (even though I'm on huge doses of pain meds), there is more stuff, but these are just a few things I dealing with.
I have wanted to write more, but there just isn't much to say.
All I can do is ask for prayers.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

surgeron appt.

I went yesterday to see my ortho surgeon who did my knee surgery last Nov. My knee has not gotten back to 100% due to my PCL tear. She had told me after my surgery that 95% of people that tear their PCL don't normally need the PCL fixed, but there is always that 5% of people that must have the tear repaired for the knee to get better and the pain to go away. Well, I have fallen into that 5% group. I am going back to the office tomorrow to see a different ortho surgeon, and all he does is knee ligament tears. I am hoping that I can schedule knee surgery within the next 2 weeks.

This knee surgery will be a BIG deal. From the research that I have done, plus what the Dr. told me yesterday the only way to repair a PCL tear is with a ligament transplant or ligament graft. I won't know all till tomorrow, but my knee won't last much longer without it being fixed.

I have other surgeries to schedule, but my knee is giving me the most issues right now.

Please pray that I can have this done soon, and I will update fully when I know more.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Still Here

I'm still here. I know I haven't written in a very long time, but I've been going through some really hard issues lately. I had heart surgery in January to implant a Loop Recorder Device. It records everything that my heart does and all the rythms and heart beats.
I've been very depressed and been sleeping alot.
I'm still trying to get my pain under control, and still on a very high dose of pain meds.

All I can ask for is prayer.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Heart Surgery

I am having heart surgery tomorrow morning.

I have to be at the hospital at 8:30am, and the hospital is a hour and half away, which means we are leaving at 6:45am. I don't know what time my surgery is, but all I do know is that I am getting 1 if not 2 devices implanted into my heart. The 1st one being a recorder which will montior and record my heart beats and rythmns. The 2nd device will be a defibilator.

I was suppose to have a pacemake/defib put in, but the cardiac surgeon realized that if we were to put those in now, I would never be able to get them out.

These 2 devices will be able to be put it, and taken out at a later date. If my heart shows signs that I need the pacemaker, we will put it in, but at a later date.

After having 11 different surgeries last year, I am kinda calm about this surgery in the morning, with the exception that this is my heart.

Please pray for my anixousness between then and now. Pray that my port-a-cath will not have a clog and will be able to be used with no issues. Pray for the Dr.'s and nurses as they work on my heart. Pray that nothing goes wrong.

This should be an outpatient surgery, but I am taking an over night bag just in case.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Merry Christmas

I wish everyone a
Remember that the reason we celebrate Christmas sin't to see how many toys we get and the best gifts we gave. We celebrate Christmas because that is when Jesus was born and we celebrate His birth. Jesus being born is the greatest gift of all.
I think so many of us get so wrapped up in buying gifts, giving gifts, parties, sending Christmas cards, etc; that we forget the true meaning of Christmas.

The Christmas Story: Luke 2:1-20

In those days Caesar Augustus issued a decree that a census should be taken of the entire Roman world.

(This was the first census that took place while Quirinius was governor of Syria.) And everyone went to his own town to register.
So Joseph also went up from the town of Nazareth in Galilee to Judea, to Bethlehem the town of David, because he belonged to the house and line of David.
He went there to register with Mary, who was pledged to be married to him and was expecting a child.

While they were there, the time came for the baby to be born,
and she gave birth to her firstborn, a son. She wrapped him in cloths and placed him in a manger, because there was no room for them in the inn.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night.
An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of  David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.
This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."
When the angels had left them and gone into heaven, the shepherds said to one another, "Let's go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about."
So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger.
When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child,
and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them.
But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart.
The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Port-a-Cath surgery

I am having surgery tomorrow morning*Friday* at 7:30am. I have to be at the hospital at 6am, which means we leave the house at 5am, since we live a hour away. I should be home by noon, and the surgery itself shouldn't take more than 1 hr to complete. I am having a port-a-cath put it. It will be located just underneath the skin near my left collarbone. So, the next time I need and IV, instead of being the human pin cushion, they will just stick the needle in my port, and it will go directly into the line.

Tomorrow, I am also having my PICC line removed. I actually had to use my PICC line on Tues. for a blood draw. The nurse got blood without needles in less than 2 min.

My 1 concern about my PICC being removed is that the skin around my PICC line is badly blistered, red and swollen. I have been having alot of allergic reactions from all the tape that is holding the PICC line in place. It will take atleast a month for my skin to be completly healed. Please pray that my skin will heal soon and that I won't get an infection.

I will be sedated for my surgery. I am happy about that. Ihave already had my pain meds increased for this surgery and for the first time in a while, I am at the max dose for my pain patch and it alone is relieving all my pain. Even the pain in my knee and leg.

I did finally get the final MRI report on my knee and I tore my PCL ligament and I am missing alot of cartilidge from my knee. Compared to the MRI that I had done in late Aug., my knee now looks nothing like my knee then did. It is very swollen, about the size of a grapefruit. My mobility is very decreased. It hurts to put pressure on it, I can't walk very well, and my knee gives out on me atleast once a day. My knee surgery is scheduled for Nov. 18th, but more on that in a different e-mail.

I am focusing on one surgery at a time.

I would like to share something that really hit home when I read it.
" God may not be as interested in changing our circumstances as He is in seeing out circumstances change us."

Myself, and alot of other people have been praying for me (incuding you) for the past 2 1/2 years. Praying for God to heal me and for my health to improve. Well, God hasn't healed me and my health has only gotten worse, but my faith, my courage, my love for life have only gotten stronger these past few years.
I am not the same person I was 2 1/2 years ago. My circumstances have changed me in ways I never thought were possible.

Please pray for the surgeon and nurses as they work on me tomorrow. Pray for not a lot of post-op pain and for a quick recovery.