Secrets

In Christ I am a new creation, the old is gone and the new will come again. 2 Corth. 5:17

Secrets, inner deamons that no one knows about, deep dark secrets, that you want to come out, but what will people think? What do we do with this stuff? Give it to God? Ok, God here is my "secret", take it, it's yours, I don't want it anymore. But how many times do we give God our secrets, but still struggle with them? How long do the inner deamons haunt you until you can't take it anymore? Where/What is the breaking point? Do you have someone you trust 100% to open up to? If not, what do you do? Who do you tell?

The past 6 weeks have been lies. I've put up a front, and a good one at that, to make people think that I am OK, but inside, deep inside, I am hurting. I am breaking.

I am do the best that I can with the hand that God has given me. I am living life to the best of my ability, by MYSELF, because remember, I am 27, almost 28 and still have NO friends. No friend to call at 2am crying, spilling my heart and soul. No one to call and say " hey let's do lunch, I need to talk."
I am alone in my little world, lonely, searching, looking for signs from God that things will be better, that there is a way out.

2Corth. 12:7-10 means so much to me because that is what I live day in and out. If it weren't for God's strength, my weakness would have overtaken me and I don't know where I would be.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.

The Lord is with me... us

Before I begin, Dakota is need lots of prayers tonight. She's back in the PICU and on a vent and sedated. Tomorrow is Kayleigh's funeral/memorial service. For those unable to attend (it's in North Carolina) the family is asking that at 4pm, where ever you are that you release pink balloons into the sky to float away, and on the balloons please write the following:
On Sunday (May 17th), at 4:00PM(EST) after the memorial, we will be letting off pink balloons in Kayleigh's name. Tied to each balloon will be a card that reads:

Kayleigh Anne Freeman

Our One Pound Miracle from God

(6/23/08 - 5/11/09)

www.KayleighAnneFreeman.blogspot.com

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On to me. The past 48 hrs have indescribable. Thursday I remember not feeling well that day and I was "taking it easy" and had taken a nap. After waking up, I went into my kitchen to get something to eat. All of a sudden I felt very faint, I remember trying to get into the living room to sit, but didn't make it. I fainted and fell face first on to my tiled floors. I blacked out, and came to about 5 min. later. When I came to I realized I was laying in a pool of blood. I had hit my teeth and bit my lip in the fall. I laid there for a few mins to come to and see if anything was broken and if I could stand up. I got up, found my phone and called 911. The paramedics came and when they took my blood pressure it was in the low 80's (not good). They loaded me into the ambulance and off we went to the hospital. On the ride over, I called my pastor and he met me at the hospital. I also called one of my aunt's ( my mom is out of town taking care of another one of her sister's who is sick and can't be left alone). My aunt arrived shortly after I did. I had 25 x-rays done and 2 CAT scans, they could find nothing wrong. My BP never got above 100 ( still not good), but they let me go home anyways. Other than being sore and bruised, I had no other injuries. But, they also never determined why I fainted. Thursday night, I spent the night and another one of my aunt's houses, so I wouldn't be alone if something happened. I spent all of Friday morning resting at my grandmother's house ( my aunt took her to the Dr). When my aunt brought my grandmother back home, she took me back to my house.

I was not back to 100% normal on Friday. I had only been home for about a hour Friday afternoon, when 2 things happened. One, I was flushing my feeding tube ( a new one that was put in last week) and while flushing it, it broke in half and slid out. (that wasn't suppose to happen). After the tube came out, I had another fainting spell. This time I didn't fall, because I was sitting in a chair, but I did black out. Because the tube came out I only had a 1-2 hour window to put a new one in, before the hole would start to close. Knowing I couldn't drive, I called 911 again, and got another ride to the ER. This time my BP was all over the place. It would drop into the 80's or spike into the 150's ( not good either). I had more tests done, labs taken, etc, but the Dr.'s still could find no reason for my fainting spells. My tube was a whole different story. Because too much time had passed, almost 5 hrs, the hole was already closed (or so I thought). At 10pm the radiology team came and got me and took me to radiology and tried to put a new, smaller, the 1st size tube in. I was awake, but also fully sedated. The surgery was a success on the 1st try and I didn't think that it would be, and we would have to go the long way (open surgery) to put it back in. I was released at midnight to my aunt, who brought me home, and I've been home alone ever since.

I have been fine today, but have slept most of the day. I am sore from surgery and my fall. I have an appt. first thing Monday morning with my reg. Dr. to see if she/ we can figure out what is going on. This sort of thing has NEVER happened before, so we are quite confused. This morning 2 of my aunts, 1 uncle, and my grandmother left to go on vacation to New Mexico. My mom is still out of town, taking care of her sister, and God is taking care of me today.

But, I want to say that all of last night I was in constant communication (texting) with the members of my Community Group, and although they could not be with me physically, I knew that they were praying for me constantly. I had one member from my group who visited for about a hour, but the rest of the members were VERY supportive of me. I thank God for them and what they did for me last night. I have gotten several e-mails and texts from them today checking in on me too.

I had a little bit of "free" time right before my surgery and I was really freaking out, so I pulled out my Bible and started reading scripture. I started reading the 23rd Psalm, but then I found this passage:

Psalm 91: 14-16

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

I started reading it and praying it, and I felt this intense peace about my surgery, as I was in the room and being prepped.

I have learned or re-learned that the LORD is ALWAYS with us. The verse above says it all. So many times I think that we get too busy in our lives and when something goes wrong we think that the Lord has left us. But that is far from the truth. In our weakest times and moments, that is when Christ is at HIS strongest. And all we have to do is ask. Not even that, just believe that God is always with us and He never leaves us or forsakes us. He promises us that.

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Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that the Dr.'s can figure out what is going on and what is causing my health problems. My mom comes home tomorrow. My appt is Monday morning.

Please keep Dakota and Kayleigh's family in your prayers as well.

God is BIGGER than me and all of us.

Today has been a long, trying, exhausting day. Lots of prayers, questions for God, praises to God, and no answers.

I have spent most of this year battaling illnesses, sickness, and bad health for myself. But then when you throw in Stellan, Dakota, Kayleigh, and the other babies I have been following, and fallen in love with, it stirs the pot.

How can a God, one who loves each of every one of HIS children, give and take away life at free will? How can we as humans, but also HIS children pray and pray until we are prayed out? How can we join millions of Christians around the world pray for babies, and others that are sick, and still watch God take some home to Heaven, leave some on earth to suffer and fight for their lives, and let others get sicker and put Dr.'s in their lives who can't do anything.



I have been learning these past few weeks how to pray scripture. How to use scripture when I pray. So, because of this, I have been scouring the Bible for my favorite verses. The following are some of the verses that I have been praying.



Psalms 91: 14-16


"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."



Zephaniah 3: 17



" The LORD our God is with you, HE is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, HE will quiet you with HIS love, HE will rejoice over you with singing."



John 9:3



"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.

2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 ( The Message)

"Because of the extravagance of those revelations,
and so I wouldn't get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.
Satan's angel did his best to get me down;
What he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!
At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then HE told me,
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

How I make it through

I have been asked by alot of people how I can continue to keep a positive and upbeat attitude while it feels that my world is crumbling down around me. After everything that I have been through and going through in the past 3 and a half weeks, I have a much more deeper and personal relationship with God. Because not only have I watched my world crumble, I have watched Stellan's world crumble as well. And while watching how many millions of people are responding to Stellan and his medical condition, I have learned to see God in a whole new light. But, I heave learned that until I am truly broken before God, that is when God uses people (me) the best. I found a scripture passage on a fellow blogger's site, that I am now taking as my "life passage"

2 Corinthians 12:7-10, (The Message)
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations,
and so I wouldn't get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.
Satan's angel did his best to get me down;
What he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!
At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then he told me,
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

I don't know how many times I have begged God to "take me now", because I thought that I couldn't handle life, being sick, etc. anymore. But after reading this passage, in this version, I realized that I had it all wrong. Instead of begging God to "take it away" I have started asking God to reveal His strength to me. Because when I am most broken and at my weakest point, that is when MY God is strongest. And it is through that strength that I can continue living each day, with the pain and no answers. I have stopped looking at my medical stuff as a curse or something that I did wrong to deserve all this, but I also have another life verse in

John 9:3 that says "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."

My hope is that someone somewhere will see that everyday I get up and try my best to push through the pain and live my life, someone will see that and ask how I can do it, and in that moment God's grace, love, and mercy will shine through and I will be able to tell that person that I wouldn't be here today if it weren't for God's strength given to me, and to all of us... if we just ask. As of today I don't know what the future hold for me. I will be making phone calls to several high profile hospitals around the country, hopng that someone has heard of my problems and has the cure or right treatment, since all efforts here in Austin have been exhausted. Returning to St. Louis for medical care is no longer an option either. I am taking "baby steps" to get my life back on track. Going back to church last week and this week is the first step. Finding my "Family of God" is the second step. Keep moving forward is the 3rd step. I did that by volunteering with the quints on Friday, and if my health stays the same, that will become a weekly thing for me. But I also know without the love and support that I have been getting from people, and all the prayers that I am getting are helping in a HUGE way as well.

Thank you to each and everyone of you for praying and for interceeding to God on my behalf.

in MY weakness HE is strong

I hit rock bottom earlier this afternoon.
I recieved an e-mail from another blogging friend, one that I'd been waiting for for a while. While reading her e-mail and then replying to it, I started crying, and didn't stop for almost 45 min. later. Reading ALL that I have been through, not just in the past year, but my whole life, was vary harrowing for me. It brought back a flood of emotions, replay's of my life, and it made me even more determined to find someone who KNOWS what they are talking about reguarding my medical care.
During my meltdown, I made me a iTunes playlist of songs that would help me get through my current situation. I took my Bible, started reading one particular passage, and started praying. With the music playing in my ears, scripture in my head, and God filling me with HIS strength, I drifted off to sleep. Awakeing almost 2 hours later, feeling somewhat refreshed, and a little bit stronger.
Please continue to keep me in your prayers. This weekend, I feel will not end up good, meaning I will find myself in the hospital by the end of it. I'm hurting, I can't keep food down, tube feeds hurt.
I want to share the scripture passage, that I have taken to be my new life passage.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10, (The Message)
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations,
and so I wouldn't get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.
Satan's angel did his best to get me down;
What he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!
At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then he told me,
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."

A New Year, A New Me

Well, I wanted there is less than 12 hours left to 2008, and I am SO glad. 2008 has been the hardest year I have ever had to go through. With 3 deaths in the family, spending 4 months in the hospital, having major surgery, being so sick and near death, and so much more, but through it all there is one thing that I have learned: God will never leave my side and He is always there for me. I know that if I weren't a Christian and didn't know God that I wouldn't have made it.
So, what does 2009 hold for me? New changes. For starters, I have joined a gym. It's small, and less than a mile from my house, so I will be working out weekly, and I hope to loose some of the weight that I have gained these past few months. I am going to start volunteering with MOPS again, and I am so excited about starting that again. I am going to start my homeless ministry again. After reading "The Purpose Driven Life" a few years ago, I felt God calling me to make care bags for the homeless. Included in them will be, but not limited to: a bottle of water, crackers, clean socks, a tract, and other small food items. I am meeting with a guy who owns and runs a homeless ministry called Mobile Loaves and Fishes, and hope to get any other info for starting my ministry.
I have made a decision about what church I feel that I belong to and should be at, so I am excited to see how God will call me to get involved at church.
I am going to have alot of dental work done in the next few months to fix my teeth. My health is settling down. I hope that once I start excercising, I will start to feel better physically and emotionally. My best friend quit her job yesterday and is going to college, which means that will be able to spend more time together. I'm going to start working again, but only part-time.

I hope that 2009 is so much better than 2008 was. I wish you and your family all the best in the new year!!!

"In Christ I am a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come again."
2 Corinthians 5:17


PS: Baby Stellan is doing better. Last night he was able to drink breastmilk for the first time in days, his oxygen stats are improving, and his color has returned to normal. Check out his page for more updates.

Merry Christmas

I hope that everyone has a very Merry Christmas. Enjoy the time spent with your family and friends. Stay safe while traveling. And don't forget to remember the true reason why we celebrate Christmas: Jesus' birth.

Isaiah 9:6

For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

Luke 2: 1- 20


And it came to pass in those days, that there went out a decree from Caesar Augustus, that all the world should be taxed.
[And] this taxing was first made when Cyrenius was governor of Syria.)
And all went to be taxed, every one into his own city.
And Joseph also went up from Galilee, out of the city of Nazareth, into Judaea, unto the city of David, which is called Bethlehem; (because he was of the house and lineage of David:)
To be taxed with Mary his espoused wife, being great with child.
And so it was, that, while they were there, the days were accomplished that she should be delivered.
And she brought forth her firstborn son, and wrapped him in swaddling clothes, and laid him in a manger; because there was no room for them in the inn.
And there were in the same country shepherds abiding in the field, keeping watch over their flock by night.
And, lo, the angel of the Lord came upon them, and the glory of the Lord shone round about them: and they were sore afraid.
And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.
For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord.
And this [shall be] a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger.
And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying,
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.
And it came to pass, as the angels were gone away from them into heaven, the shepherds said one to another, Let us now go even unto Bethlehem, and see this thing which is come to pass, which the Lord hath made known unto us.
And they came with haste, and found Mary, and Joseph, and the babe lying in a manger.
And when they had seen [it], they made known abroad the saying which was told them concerning this child.
And all they that heard [it] wondered at those things which were told them by the shepherds.
But Mary kept all these things, and pondered [them] in her heart.
And the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they had heard and seen, as it was told unto them.

I Need A Silent Night

Today there are 2 days till Christmas, and tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I've bought my gifts, wrapped them, and I'm waiting to go to my grandmother's/ aunt's house tomorrow night. But, this year is different. I've lost 2 grandfathers this year, the second only 2 weeks ago. I've spent more time this year in the hospital and ER than out of it. Everyone around me is running about, but tonight on Dec. 23rd, I am spending a silent night at home. It's cold and foggy out, not good driving weather anyways.
I am reminded by a song by Amy Grant " I Need a Silent Night" . I hope that people will slow down this Dec. night, and remember that Christmas isn't about buying the newest toy or hottest video game, it's about what happened on that Dec. night long, long ago. A tiny baby was born. A prince to some, born in a lowly manger, when He should have been born in a palace full of gold and riches. That tiny baby born so many years ago who came to save us all, that's what Christmas is about.

I've made the same mistake before

Too many malls, too many stores

December traffic, Christmas rush

It breaks me till I push and shove

Children are crying while mothers are trying

To photograph Santa and sleigh

The shopping and buying and standing forever in line

What can I say?

I need a silent night, a holy night

To hear an angel voice through the chaos and the noise

I need a midnight clear, a little peace right here

To end this crazy day with a silent night

December comes then disappears

Faster and faster every year

Did my own mother keep this pace

Or was the world a different place?

Where people stayed home wishing for snow

Watching three channels on their TV

Look at us now rushing around

Trying to but Christmas peace

I need a silent night, a holy night

To hear an angel voice through the chaos and the noise

I need a midnight clear, a little peace right here

To end this crazy day with a silent night

What was it like back there in Bethlehem

With peace on earth, good will toward men?

"Every shepherd's out in the field

Keeping watch over their clock by night

And the glory of the Lord shone around them

And they were so afraid

And the angels said fear not for behold

I bring you good news of a great joy that shall be for all people

For unto you is born this day a Savior, who is Christ the Lord

And his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace"

I need a silent night, a holy night

To hear an angel voice through the chaos and the noise

I need a midnight clear, a little peace right here

To end this crazy day with a silent night

To end this crazy day with a silent night

Trusting in God

I am home from my grandfather's memorial service, and I must admit that the past 3 days have been life changing, in more ways than one.
I have so many thoughts running through my head, that I hope that I can get them all down in one post.

I never thought that having my grandfather die would bring me closer to God, but it did, in God's time. After my grandfather died, I spent 2 days with the family, then I did what I do best and secluded myself in my bedroom and proceeded to get so ill and in so much pain, that by Thursday afternoon I was being taken to the ER, and after 7 hours, countless tests, bloodwork, and 17ml of morphine ( 10ml in the ER and 7ml at home) and a fentynl patch (put on @ home) I went home and was still in pain. I had been throwing up for 2 days, and had stopped eating for 3 days, and not taking feeds, because taking feeds made the pain worse. My mom and I got home from the hospital about midnight on Friday and only got a few hours of sleep.
Friday morning, I woke up and was still throwing up and was so weak that I had a complete meltdown and through my tears I spilled out to my mom that I miss my grandfather so much, and wasn't prepared for him to die, but I know that he is in a much better place.
I didn't think that I had enough strength to go to the memorial service, much less pack and get ready to go. Because I was still so sick on Friday my mom had to pack my bag and get my stuff ready. I don't know what I made it out the door with, but I seemed to have everything I need. When it was time to leave, I climbed into the back seat of my mom's SUV, still throwing up, but knowing that if I didn't go that I would regret it for the rest of my life. All of Friday morning, and most of the trip to my Uncle's farm I started reciting Scripture. Mainly the Shepherd's Prayer ( Ps. 23) and the birth story in Luke. I was praying more fervently than I have ever prayed and I knew that I had an army of prayer warriors praying for me also.

By the time I got to the farm, I was feeling better, but not back to 100%. By Saturday, I was pretty much back to my old self ( the way I was BEFORE I got sick). Pouncing in the high grass with my cousins, exploring a 100 yr-old farm house, and feeding the resident bull.
But, the whole time I was still reciting my scriptures and praying. I was told Saturday morning that there would be time at the memorial service to get up and say a few words, which I wanted to do. I didn't know what I was going to say, but the night before I was listening to my IPOD and a song by Monk and Neagle came on titled: Dancing With the Angels. I listened to the song, and the wrote down the words as follows and read them at the memorial service. I was told later by alot of people, including the pastor that did the service that it was an excellent song to read and is very fitting for my what my family is going through.

Dancing With the Angels

Memories surround me, But sadness has found me. I'd do anything for more time.

Never before has someone meant more, and I can't get you out of my mind.

There is so much that I don't understand, but I know:

You're dancing with the Angels, walking in new life.

You're dancing with the Angels, Heaven fills your eyes.

Now that you're dancing with the Angels

You had love for your family. Love for all people. Love for the Father, and Son

Your heart will be heard, in your unspoken words. Through generations to come.

There is so much that I don't understand, but I know:

You're dancing with the Angels, walking in new life.

You're dancing with the Angels, Heaven fills your eyes.

Now that you're dancing with the Angels.

We're only here for such a short time.

So I'm gonna stand up, shout out,and sing Hallelujah!

One day I'll see you again

And we'll be dancing with the Angels, walking in new life.

We're dancing with the Angels, Heaven will fills our eyes.

When we're dancing with the Angels

So, for any of you our there, and all of my blogging friends who have lost their babies, know that your loved one is in a much better place.

Today on the drive back home, my mom and I were talking and I have come to the following conclusions:

1. I will go back to work after the first of the year. I have missed nannying so much, and will enjoy getting back into it. I will go back to work through the Nanny Agency that I work for, but no more night-nannying, and I want to only work with infants, since they are my speciality, and since I am trained and certified Infant Care Specialist. I would like to work with Special Needs infants too, since I have my own experience with that. I won't be returning full-time, but maybe 10-20 hrs a week, just to keep me out of the house some.

2. I will return to volunteering at MOPS. I took the fall semester off to recover from surgery. But after volunteering for several different MOPS groups for 6 years, I miss it too. I know that the mom's will be glad to have me back, as will the leaders.

3. I will return to church, and will decide on a church home. During the past 6 months, I feel like I have lost one church family, but gained another. Being so sick and in the hospital so much and then at home in bed for so long has really left me out of touch with the "outside world". But, while I was hurting my church family at the time, didn't walk my journey with me, instead they left me, leaving me to deal with all of this by myself. But, also during this time, I have started attending a new church and have gained a new church family, who has helped me out so much more than the previous church.

I have a big decision to make, but I have to also take into acct. that one church only meets in the mornings, and one only meets at night, and it is possible to attend both on Sunday's.

4. Starting immediatly, I will walk at the park track daily with my dog, and think about joining a new gym opening by my house.

5. Also starting immediatly, I will start reading my Bible daily and having a daily quiet time, even if it's in my own way.

6. The last starting immediatly, I will start taking atleast 1 meal a day by tube feeds. Tube feeding once daily and not eating that meal will help with the pain, and will also help me start losing weight.

7. I will take steps to start making friends again. Other than my best friend, I have no other friends. All of my so called "friends" left me once I got sick, and I have not heard anything from them in over 4 months. I have tried all my life to make friends with people with Special Needs, because for most of my life I have been a person with special needs. After going through what I went through this summer, I realize that not everyone can make and be friends, and accept people with those with Special Needs.

I don't want to come home and return to the person who spent all her time in bed and in pain. I want to come home and return to the person I was before I got sick and had surgery. I, along with my mom and some other family members saw that person come out again, and really enjoyed it.

I know that this has been a really long post, but I remembered everything that I had to say and needed to say.

I hope that you can see that through all the pain and heartache that I have been through these past 3 days, 1 weeks, and 6 months, that God has never left my side, and that if I had put my 100% trust in Him that I wouldn't have had to go through alot of the stuff that I have been through in the past week.