Struggles

While I don't want to go into details, I am here to admit that I am really struggling. Physically, emotionally, mentally, and spirtually. Having a chronic medical condition is HARD. Being in constant pain is HARD. Not having a church family, for the 1st time ever, is HARD. Not having the support system that I once had is HARD.
Please keep me in your prayers as I continue to go through life. At this moment, I see no light at the end of the tunnel. October has been hell month for me, with 2 surgeries and 2 nerve blocks, and 3 trips to the ER. Novemeber doesn't look much better, with spending ALOT of time with the family, traveling all across Texas, finally burying my grandfather; I see a very tiring month ahead and don't know if I have the stamina or strength to keep up.
I have been traveling on this "new" road for 18 months now, and while I didn't think I'd be on this road for this long, I don't know how much further I can go.

Please pray for strength, for change, for me not to lose hope.

Secrets

In Christ I am a new creation, the old is gone and the new will come again. 2 Corth. 5:17

Secrets, inner deamons that no one knows about, deep dark secrets, that you want to come out, but what will people think? What do we do with this stuff? Give it to God? Ok, God here is my "secret", take it, it's yours, I don't want it anymore. But how many times do we give God our secrets, but still struggle with them? How long do the inner deamons haunt you until you can't take it anymore? Where/What is the breaking point? Do you have someone you trust 100% to open up to? If not, what do you do? Who do you tell?

The past 6 weeks have been lies. I've put up a front, and a good one at that, to make people think that I am OK, but inside, deep inside, I am hurting. I am breaking.

I am do the best that I can with the hand that God has given me. I am living life to the best of my ability, by MYSELF, because remember, I am 27, almost 28 and still have NO friends. No friend to call at 2am crying, spilling my heart and soul. No one to call and say " hey let's do lunch, I need to talk."
I am alone in my little world, lonely, searching, looking for signs from God that things will be better, that there is a way out.

2Corth. 12:7-10 means so much to me because that is what I live day in and out. If it weren't for God's strength, my weakness would have overtaken me and I don't know where I would be.

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.