This is going to be long, but here is my big update about everything that has happened in the past month.
First off, my surgery on April 22nd was my 5th surgery this year alone. My body was already run down, tired, and still healing from the first 4 surgeries I had.
So, on April 22nd, I went and had my surgery to insert the Spinal Cord Stimulator into my back (in between my shoulder blades) and the battery box into my right hip.Everything went great and I was home within 2 days. While at home, I had a home health care nurse and occupational therapist come out 3 times a week. Nursing wise, everything looked fine. I was also on very strong anti-biotics, just to be on the safe side.
The following Friday, April 30th, I had an appt. to actually turn the SCS on, but when I did it didn't feel the same as it did when I had my trial surgery for the SCS. So, I turned it off and called the tech, and we scheduled to meet.
I was doing well. Going places, spending time with family. But, I wasn't back to my old self.
All that changed the day of May 5th. The following night, I went out to dinner with my mom, aunt, and grandmother. We went to Chili's to support their churchs' youth group. I remember that I came home and went to bed, feeling OK.
about 3am on Wednesday I woke up feeling HORRIBLE. I started running a fever, and I hurt all over and was in horrible pain. My fever kept climbing, so at 5am, I woke my mom and she figured out how sick I was. She took me to the closest ER which is only 10 min. away. They took me back immediatly, and my fever was 106.3 . My blood pressure was dangerously low. At this point I don't remember much of what they started doing for me. I know that they ran pretty much every test in the book. I had blood work (which showed I had an infection), a CT scan, x-rays, 2 spinal taps ( I remember being awake for both, and asking to be sedated and they didn't. Those hurt so bad, more than anything else did). I remember being asleep, and suddenly being woken up because I had several bags of ice placed all over my body because they couldn't get my fever to go down. It took almost 12 hours for my fever just to drop 2-3 degrees. It took 5 days before my temp. returned to normal. After all tests had been run, they finally thought to look at my hip and back, where I had just had surgery. That's when the realized that I had developed sepsis ( a severe blood infection). I was transferred by ambulance to a different hospital, one the my neurosurgeon worked at. I had surgery exactly 2 weeks after I had my SCS put in, to take it out, and thus remove what was causing the infection. I was placed in the ICU for 4 days, and was in and out of consciousness. I remember that I would start talking in my sleep, so they would sedate me.
I was eventually moved to a regular room, and was dismissed from the hospital 2 days later.
Looking back on everything and doing research, I'm glad I don't remember much. I learned that if sepsis is not treated quickly that people can die from it and in most cases people have alot of damage and trauma to their internal organs, but I have no lasting effects.
I go back to the neurosurgeon in August to discuss having the SCS put back in. The SCS is my only way to be able to get off all these pain meds.
After I got home, my mom told me that one of the tests showed that I have a deformation on my heart, and the Dr.'s told her to get me in to see a cardiologist. I saw her last week, and she did an EEG of my heart and it came out a little off, so tomorrow I am going in to have an Echo done of my heart and to get fitted to do a 24 hr Holter Moniter test. I'll get my results in a week.
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Monday, May 31, 2010
Thursday, July 30, 2009
How I Feel
First off, Stellan is still in the PICU and still in his hometown. It seems that God is once again working a miracle through his life. To find out more, click his prayer button to the right.
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On to how I feel.
I have been recently diagonised with post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.
People that usually have PTSD are military men & women who have fought in war(s), first responders (police, firefighters, EMS, etc), people who have witnessed first hand some kind of horrible bad thing (a murder, a rape victim, bombing victims, car accident victims, etc).
Other people that might have it are people like me. People who have spent countless months or years in and/or out of the hospital, who have been very close to death, who have been told there is nothing more medically that can be done, etc.
These past 8 weeks have been the longest ever. It's also been the longest time in the past 16 months that I've been out of the hospital/ER.
But, it's also been the longest time that I've been away from God. And the reprucussions from that are just hitting me. No church, no prayer, no Bible reading, nothing. Slowly, I am starting to see that abandoning God was probably not the smartest idea. But, I am having great questions of how a God so loving and kind and who doesn't want to see His children hurting, can let a child of His hurt for so long.
In 15 months I have gone from a healthy, life loving, love to work, always in Church on Sunday person to a weak, sick, can barely get out of bed much less the house, haven't been to church in 6 weeks person.
And all for what? At first I thought, and I still do think , it was because God wanted to use me to show people that even though I was sick and fighting for my life, I was still living for Him and I was more than willing to let God work through me. But now, I'm not so sure.
But, the one thing that I am sure of is this: no matter how far I go down the road without God, He is ALWAYS there, waiting with open arms for His children to return.
The following song is how I feel now.
It is by Natalie Grant, and the title is "I Will Not Be Moved".
I have been a wayward child, I have acted out.
I have questioned sovereignty, and had my share of doubts.
And though sometimes, my prayers feel like there bouncing off the sky,
the hand that holds won't let me go, and is the reason why.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand, I will not be moved.
Bitterness has plagued my heart, many times before,
My life has been a broken glass,
and I have kept the score, of all my shattered dreams,
and though it seemed, that I was far too gone,
my brokenness helped me to see, it's grace I'm standing on.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved
And chaos in my life, has been a badge I've worn, and though I have been torn,
I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand,
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On to how I feel.
I have been recently diagonised with post traumatic stress disorder or PTSD.
People that usually have PTSD are military men & women who have fought in war(s), first responders (police, firefighters, EMS, etc), people who have witnessed first hand some kind of horrible bad thing (a murder, a rape victim, bombing victims, car accident victims, etc).
Other people that might have it are people like me. People who have spent countless months or years in and/or out of the hospital, who have been very close to death, who have been told there is nothing more medically that can be done, etc.
These past 8 weeks have been the longest ever. It's also been the longest time in the past 16 months that I've been out of the hospital/ER.
But, it's also been the longest time that I've been away from God. And the reprucussions from that are just hitting me. No church, no prayer, no Bible reading, nothing. Slowly, I am starting to see that abandoning God was probably not the smartest idea. But, I am having great questions of how a God so loving and kind and who doesn't want to see His children hurting, can let a child of His hurt for so long.
In 15 months I have gone from a healthy, life loving, love to work, always in Church on Sunday person to a weak, sick, can barely get out of bed much less the house, haven't been to church in 6 weeks person.
And all for what? At first I thought, and I still do think , it was because God wanted to use me to show people that even though I was sick and fighting for my life, I was still living for Him and I was more than willing to let God work through me. But now, I'm not so sure.
But, the one thing that I am sure of is this: no matter how far I go down the road without God, He is ALWAYS there, waiting with open arms for His children to return.
The following song is how I feel now.
It is by Natalie Grant, and the title is "I Will Not Be Moved".
I have been a wayward child, I have acted out.
I have questioned sovereignty, and had my share of doubts.
And though sometimes, my prayers feel like there bouncing off the sky,
the hand that holds won't let me go, and is the reason why.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand, I will not be moved.
Bitterness has plagued my heart, many times before,
My life has been a broken glass,
and I have kept the score, of all my shattered dreams,
and though it seemed, that I was far too gone,
my brokenness helped me to see, it's grace I'm standing on.
I will stumble, I will fall down
But I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand,
All other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved
And chaos in my life, has been a badge I've worn, and though I have been torn,
I will not be moved
I will make mistakes, I will face heartache,
But I will not be moved
On Christ the solid rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand,
I will not be moved
Saturday, June 27, 2009
New Changes & 28 years
I am 4 hours into my 28th birthday. And let me just say that this past year was one that I never expected to happen. But, I fought through and am still in the process of fighting and winning my battles. My battles are not easy, for me or for anyone else who is going through a trying and hard learning experience.
And while I cannot drive anymore, the meds are making me into a person I'm not and I am still have some troubles, I am ALIVE, and I honestly didn't think that I would make it through this past year. God has been with me every sense of the way and HE has NEVER left my side.
This past year has tought me more about God, prayers, friendships, relationships, and so much more.
God has led me to a church where I feel accepted, even through my medical challenges. God has taught me that even though "church going Christians" are out there, there is a difference. A difference in saying "we care for you and are praying for you" and a difference in showing "we care for you and are praying for you." God has tought me to accept people for their differences and is teaching me to let people accept me for my differences.
Blogging through this past year has helped me so much this year. Blogging is my way of "escaping" and getting my feelings and emotions out. So, I say thanks to all those who read and sometimes comment on my blog.
Where do I see myself in a year? I have no idea. I want to go back to work, but as long as I am on pain pills and can't drive that is not an option. I have been thinking about going back to school, but my mind has to be alot more clearer than it is now. I want so many things right now, but I have to take life one day and step at a time.
And while I cannot drive anymore, the meds are making me into a person I'm not and I am still have some troubles, I am ALIVE, and I honestly didn't think that I would make it through this past year. God has been with me every sense of the way and HE has NEVER left my side.
This past year has tought me more about God, prayers, friendships, relationships, and so much more.
God has led me to a church where I feel accepted, even through my medical challenges. God has taught me that even though "church going Christians" are out there, there is a difference. A difference in saying "we care for you and are praying for you" and a difference in showing "we care for you and are praying for you." God has tought me to accept people for their differences and is teaching me to let people accept me for my differences.
Blogging through this past year has helped me so much this year. Blogging is my way of "escaping" and getting my feelings and emotions out. So, I say thanks to all those who read and sometimes comment on my blog.
Where do I see myself in a year? I have no idea. I want to go back to work, but as long as I am on pain pills and can't drive that is not an option. I have been thinking about going back to school, but my mind has to be alot more clearer than it is now. I want so many things right now, but I have to take life one day and step at a time.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
Secrets
In Christ I am a new creation, the old is gone and the new will come again. 2 Corth. 5:17
Secrets, inner deamons that no one knows about, deep dark secrets, that you want to come out, but what will people think? What do we do with this stuff? Give it to God? Ok, God here is my "secret", take it, it's yours, I don't want it anymore. But how many times do we give God our secrets, but still struggle with them? How long do the inner deamons haunt you until you can't take it anymore? Where/What is the breaking point? Do you have someone you trust 100% to open up to? If not, what do you do? Who do you tell?
The past 6 weeks have been lies. I've put up a front, and a good one at that, to make people think that I am OK, but inside, deep inside, I am hurting. I am breaking.
I am do the best that I can with the hand that God has given me. I am living life to the best of my ability, by MYSELF, because remember, I am 27, almost 28 and still have NO friends. No friend to call at 2am crying, spilling my heart and soul. No one to call and say " hey let's do lunch, I need to talk."
I am alone in my little world, lonely, searching, looking for signs from God that things will be better, that there is a way out.
2Corth. 12:7-10 means so much to me because that is what I live day in and out. If it weren't for God's strength, my weakness would have overtaken me and I don't know where I would be.
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
Secrets, inner deamons that no one knows about, deep dark secrets, that you want to come out, but what will people think? What do we do with this stuff? Give it to God? Ok, God here is my "secret", take it, it's yours, I don't want it anymore. But how many times do we give God our secrets, but still struggle with them? How long do the inner deamons haunt you until you can't take it anymore? Where/What is the breaking point? Do you have someone you trust 100% to open up to? If not, what do you do? Who do you tell?
The past 6 weeks have been lies. I've put up a front, and a good one at that, to make people think that I am OK, but inside, deep inside, I am hurting. I am breaking.
I am do the best that I can with the hand that God has given me. I am living life to the best of my ability, by MYSELF, because remember, I am 27, almost 28 and still have NO friends. No friend to call at 2am crying, spilling my heart and soul. No one to call and say " hey let's do lunch, I need to talk."
I am alone in my little world, lonely, searching, looking for signs from God that things will be better, that there is a way out.
2Corth. 12:7-10 means so much to me because that is what I live day in and out. If it weren't for God's strength, my weakness would have overtaken me and I don't know where I would be.
Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn't get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me, My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
God is BIGGER than me and all of us.
Today has been a long, trying, exhausting day. Lots of prayers, questions for God, praises to God, and no answers.
I have spent most of this year battaling illnesses, sickness, and bad health for myself. But then when you throw in Stellan, Dakota, Kayleigh, and the other babies I have been following, and fallen in love with, it stirs the pot.
How can a God, one who loves each of every one of HIS children, give and take away life at free will? How can we as humans, but also HIS children pray and pray until we are prayed out? How can we join millions of Christians around the world pray for babies, and others that are sick, and still watch God take some home to Heaven, leave some on earth to suffer and fight for their lives, and let others get sicker and put Dr.'s in their lives who can't do anything.
I have been learning these past few weeks how to pray scripture. How to use scripture when I pray. So, because of this, I have been scouring the Bible for my favorite verses. The following are some of the verses that I have been praying.
Psalms 91: 14-16
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Zephaniah 3: 17
" The LORD our God is with you, HE is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, HE will quiet you with HIS love, HE will rejoice over you with singing."
John 9:3
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.
I have spent most of this year battaling illnesses, sickness, and bad health for myself. But then when you throw in Stellan, Dakota, Kayleigh, and the other babies I have been following, and fallen in love with, it stirs the pot.
How can a God, one who loves each of every one of HIS children, give and take away life at free will? How can we as humans, but also HIS children pray and pray until we are prayed out? How can we join millions of Christians around the world pray for babies, and others that are sick, and still watch God take some home to Heaven, leave some on earth to suffer and fight for their lives, and let others get sicker and put Dr.'s in their lives who can't do anything.
I have been learning these past few weeks how to pray scripture. How to use scripture when I pray. So, because of this, I have been scouring the Bible for my favorite verses. The following are some of the verses that I have been praying.
Psalms 91: 14-16
"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."
Zephaniah 3: 17
" The LORD our God is with you, HE is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, HE will quiet you with HIS love, HE will rejoice over you with singing."
John 9:3
"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.
2 Corinthians 12: 7-10 ( The Message)
"Because of the extravagance of those revelations,
and so I wouldn't get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.
Satan's angel did his best to get me down;
What he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!
At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then HE told me,
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
and so I wouldn't get a big head,
I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations.
Satan's angel did his best to get me down;
What he in fact did was push me to my knees.
No danger then of walking around high and mighty!
At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it.
Three times I did that, and then HE told me,
"My grace is enough; it's all you need.
My strength comes into its own in your weakness."
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen.
I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift.
It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness.
Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer,
these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks.
I just let Christ take over!
And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become."
Prayer
God tells us to pray. Praying is our way to communicate with God. Over and over in the entire Bible pray, prayer, praying, etc is mentioned 512 times. It would NOT be mentioned this many times if God wasn't so serious about it.
But, what happens when we pray and we feel that God doesn't hear us? What happens when we pray repeatedly for God to heal the sick, to save the lost, to help us? Does that mean that God hear us, but doesn't care.
I think that everything that surrounds the topic of prayer is a question that only GOD can and will answer... in HIS time.
MckMama wrote a beautiful post, in which she pours her heart out speaking about the very issue of prayer and how big our God is. You can read it here: "To Him Be the Glory" .
But, what happens when we pray and we feel that God doesn't hear us? What happens when we pray repeatedly for God to heal the sick, to save the lost, to help us? Does that mean that God hear us, but doesn't care.
I think that everything that surrounds the topic of prayer is a question that only GOD can and will answer... in HIS time.
MckMama wrote a beautiful post, in which she pours her heart out speaking about the very issue of prayer and how big our God is. You can read it here: "To Him Be the Glory" .
In reponse to the post, another reader posted a question on another blogger's, and the following is her question, and his response.
Question: ( from Jenny)
Okay- I was thinking of asking this question to Angie (over at Bring the Rain), but since you all OFFERED...!
Question: ( from Jenny)
Okay- I was thinking of asking this question to Angie (over at Bring the Rain), but since you all OFFERED...!
Do you believe that God has His mind already made up about everything and that no matter how many people pray or how hard they pray, He will not change His course? Both MckMama and Angie have talked about this briefly, but I have to be honest, it never crossed my mind until they mentioned it. I just assumed that we could have an impact. What is God's purpose for prayer?
Answer: (from Brent)
It depends on the VIEWPOINT.
If we look through GOD’s EYES, then NO He never changes His mind in reality, because His Will is always done, and any decision He makes will come to fruition even if that decision appears to involves “changes” of decision. That’s looking at it from God’s viewpoint who is outside of time and physics.
From OUR VIEWPOINT, God does change His mind based on what we do. We can pray to change God’s mind. We can repent and God might change His mind about some punishment He planned. There are plenty of examples of this in Scripture. Many of these difficult questions about God can be more easily understood if we learn to see things from BOTH views: from God’s view (to the degree we are capable of seeing it from His viewpoint), and from OUR view as we experience life and a relationship with God. For example, from God’s view, He knew and determined from the “beginning of time” what the outcome would be for Angie. He also has determined what the outcome will be for Stellan and Abby.
His “decision” WILL come to pass no matter what anyone says, does or prays. That’s because God’s “decision” was made based on full knowledge of everything that would or could ever happen, be asked or be prayed.
From OUR VIEWPOINT, we don’t know God’s final will for Stellan or Abby. So we pray. We ask God. We petition Him to “change His mind” about Abby having Leukemia or Stellan’s heart problems. We can indeed “change” God’s mind or cause Him to act because the fervent prayers of the righteous are powerful and effective, accomplishing much.
That is from OUR view.
Sunday, May 10, 2009
God Doesn't Make Mistakes
After taking note from my blogging friend Kelly, I have decided to use this week to write out the lyrics to some of the songs that have helped me get through these past few weeks.
Tonight's song is by Carolyn Dawn Johnson, and it's titled: "God Doesn't Make Mistakes"
I first heard this song as I was driving around the streets of St. Louis last summer, praing that the medical treatments I had come so far for, would work again. We now know that didn't happen, but at the time, I was going through a really hard time in my life. Trying to figure out why God had placed me in St. Louis for medical treatment that HE knew wasn't going to work. I heard this song on the radio, and had to pull into a parking lot to hear it, and was crying the entire time it was on. It took several days of researching to find the song and artist, but once I did and read the lyrics, I realized that that song is me in a nut shell.
Tonight's song is by Carolyn Dawn Johnson, and it's titled: "God Doesn't Make Mistakes"
I first heard this song as I was driving around the streets of St. Louis last summer, praing that the medical treatments I had come so far for, would work again. We now know that didn't happen, but at the time, I was going through a really hard time in my life. Trying to figure out why God had placed me in St. Louis for medical treatment that HE knew wasn't going to work. I heard this song on the radio, and had to pull into a parking lot to hear it, and was crying the entire time it was on. It took several days of researching to find the song and artist, but once I did and read the lyrics, I realized that that song is me in a nut shell.
God Doesn't Make Mistakes
by Carolyn Dawn Johnson
A couple inches taller; Another size smaller; A little curl in my hair; I used to wish I was older
Now I wish I was younger; Back when I didn't have a care
Most of the time I am happy with what God gave me.
Once in a while I wish that some miracle would change me.
I'm ok with the way God made me,
I have my days but doesn't everybody.
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself, but I gotta remember:
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else,
And God doesn't make mistakes!
Mama says I'm special; calls me her little angel
Yeah, I could almost do no wrong; but I trip and stumble
Guess that's what keeps you humble,
But I pick myself up and I carry on.
I'll never be a flawless model of perfection,
Nobody's perfect and I admit I'm no exception.
I'm ok with the way God made me,
I have my days but doesn't everybody.
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself; but I gotta remember
I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else,
And God doesn't make mistakes!
I'm thankful for the rainy days; they only make the sunshine sweeter
I'm ok with the way God made me
I have my days, but doesn't everybody
It's not always easy for me to believe in myself
But I gotta remember I'm always gonna be a better me than anyone else
And God doesn't make mistakes!
Not you, not me, not anybody.
Monday, April 13, 2009
With God ANYTHING is possible
This weekend has been one of the hardest weekend's I had.
Last Wed. I got news that would turn my world upside down. And while I won't go into details, I will say that I was not expecting it. After I left the Dr. I prayed and cried the whole way home. I didn't think that I was strong enough to go through this. I came home, shared with my mom, and decided what was best for me: to go through what I needed to and come out a better person for it.
After the decision was made, I sent out an e-mail to 4 of my closest friends and biggest prayer warriors. While I didn't come out and tell them what is going on, I did ask for their prayers for my well-being and mind. I got responses back immediatly and knew that they were the start to my prayer chain. I then put up notices on Facebook, asking my *friends* to keep me in their prayers. From those postings, I have gotten replies. Knowing that so many people have been praying for me, I think has made this weekend a bit easier.
I have spent the past 4 days sleeping, praying, thinking of all the GOOD that will come from this hard trial. Saturday night I made me a Easter song playlist on I-Tunes. I listened to that as I went to sleep. I woke up Easter afternoon, knowing that this was the day, so many years ago that MY Savior rose from the dead to save me from all my past, present, and future sins.
Here I am going through the hardest time of my life, but still praising and celebrating God and what HE has done for me. It will be an Easter I won't forget.
As for today, I am exhausted. Even though I have spent many hours sleeping, I am still exhausted. I am sore and in pain, and laying on heating pads only do so much.
I don't know how many more days I have of this, but this I know: Jesus has taken me this far, and HE won't turn His back of me now.
More to come later...
Please keep praying.
Last Wed. I got news that would turn my world upside down. And while I won't go into details, I will say that I was not expecting it. After I left the Dr. I prayed and cried the whole way home. I didn't think that I was strong enough to go through this. I came home, shared with my mom, and decided what was best for me: to go through what I needed to and come out a better person for it.
After the decision was made, I sent out an e-mail to 4 of my closest friends and biggest prayer warriors. While I didn't come out and tell them what is going on, I did ask for their prayers for my well-being and mind. I got responses back immediatly and knew that they were the start to my prayer chain. I then put up notices on Facebook, asking my *friends* to keep me in their prayers. From those postings, I have gotten replies. Knowing that so many people have been praying for me, I think has made this weekend a bit easier.
I have spent the past 4 days sleeping, praying, thinking of all the GOOD that will come from this hard trial. Saturday night I made me a Easter song playlist on I-Tunes. I listened to that as I went to sleep. I woke up Easter afternoon, knowing that this was the day, so many years ago that MY Savior rose from the dead to save me from all my past, present, and future sins.
Here I am going through the hardest time of my life, but still praising and celebrating God and what HE has done for me. It will be an Easter I won't forget.
As for today, I am exhausted. Even though I have spent many hours sleeping, I am still exhausted. I am sore and in pain, and laying on heating pads only do so much.
I don't know how many more days I have of this, but this I know: Jesus has taken me this far, and HE won't turn His back of me now.
More to come later...
Please keep praying.
Sunday, January 18, 2009
His Dream is Becoming Reality
Tomorrow is MLK Jr. Day, the day after that is Inauguration Day. It is a historic time in America this week, one that we won't soon forget. Dr. King and his "I Have a Dream" speech, is one that so many Americans know, but how many have really taken the time to read him speech?
The following is an excerpt from his speech.
"And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."2
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last! "
On January 20th, 2009 America will welcome in it's first African American President. On January 20th, 2009 Dr. King's dream will become a reality.
____________________________________________________________________
In Sept. of 2005, I had an eye-opening experience of volunteering at the Austin Convention Center as the evacuees of hurrican Katrina were pouring into Austin. I voulnteered there for almost 2 weeks, but the whole month of Sept. was life-changing for me.
Below, is an excerpt of a paper that I wrote to share my feelings and emotions. It was written in Sept of 2005.
RACISM IN AMERICA
Ever since I was a little kid my one of my “heroes” has been Martin Luther King Jr. I think that he has been a great man of inspiration for so many people, no matter the color of their skin. He had his dream so many years ago that even today in 2005, America is still trying to reach for.
As I sit on my bed watching TV, reading the papers, and listening to the radio I think that if the people of New Orleans had been white and not black that they would have been rescued and would of had the basic necessities given to them faster then they were. I really can’t believe that today in September of 2005 that our country is still racially divided. I don’t think that a lot of people will admit it, but it is. But then again I think that the flood waters were really bad and that they weren’t able to get help in, but nothing could be that bad that you couldn’t provide the basic necessities to American people. Personally I have always admired people of African American descent. I think that they are a people of deep roots, deep traditions, and a great sense of who they are and what their past is. When I see their dedication of keeping their heritage alive I think to myself why I don’t do that with my heritage. Then it hits me: they and their descendants with through extraordinary circumstances to get to where they are today. They have so much to be proud of that their descendants had to endure. I think that it is cool that they have a month dedicated about their heritage. Although, I think that it shouldn’t be just one month that they celebrate this, but all year long.
I have a mentor who is African American and without her I would not be in the place that I am today. She has taught me so much and I have enjoyed sitting back and watching her informing others about her heritage. She is in a sorority exclusively for African Americans, called Zeta Thi Beta and they are involved in the community and work different engagements around Central Texas. I think that it is cool that she is in it, because she is an assistant principal at a local high school, so that keeps her pretty busy, but she still takes time out of her life to help out people in the community.
I know that for the most part African Americans are good people just like the rest of us. There maybe a few bad people, but there are bad people in every race. When God made us He didn’t make us all one color for a reason, and I’d like to think that one of those reasons is because He wanted us to learn to love everyone regardless of their race or their background. But unfortunately many people will never be able to do that. "
Please take time to stop and think about MLK's dream, and pray for President Obama. Even if you don't like him or his party, he is the person that is going to lead our country for the next 4 years, and God has told us to obey our leaders.
Hbr 13:17
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
The following is an excerpt from his speech.
"And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.
I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."
I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.
I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day, down in Alabama, with its vicious racists, with its governor having his lips dripping with the words of "interposition" and "nullification" -- one day right there in Alabama little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers.
I have a dream today!
I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, and every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight; "and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed and all flesh shall see it together."2
This is our hope, and this is the faith that I go back to the South with.
With this faith, we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith, we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith, we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day.
And this will be the day -- this will be the day when all of God's children will be able to sing with new meaning:
My country 'tis of thee, sweet land of liberty, of thee I sing.
Land where my fathers died, land of the Pilgrim's pride,
From every mountainside, let freedom ring!
And if America is to be a great nation, this must become true And so let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire.
Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York.
Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania.
Let freedom ring from the snow-capped Rockies of Colorado.
Let freedom ring from the curvaceous slopes of California.
But not only that:
Let freedom ring from Stone Mountain of Georgia.
Let freedom ring from Lookout Mountain of Tennessee.
Let freedom ring from every hill and molehill of Mississippi.
From every mountainside, let freedom ring.
And when this happens, when we allow freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual:
Free at last! Free at last!
Thank God Almighty, we are free at last! "
On January 20th, 2009 America will welcome in it's first African American President. On January 20th, 2009 Dr. King's dream will become a reality.
____________________________________________________________________
In Sept. of 2005, I had an eye-opening experience of volunteering at the Austin Convention Center as the evacuees of hurrican Katrina were pouring into Austin. I voulnteered there for almost 2 weeks, but the whole month of Sept. was life-changing for me.
Below, is an excerpt of a paper that I wrote to share my feelings and emotions. It was written in Sept of 2005.
RACISM IN AMERICA
Ever since I was a little kid my one of my “heroes” has been Martin Luther King Jr. I think that he has been a great man of inspiration for so many people, no matter the color of their skin. He had his dream so many years ago that even today in 2005, America is still trying to reach for.
As I sit on my bed watching TV, reading the papers, and listening to the radio I think that if the people of New Orleans had been white and not black that they would have been rescued and would of had the basic necessities given to them faster then they were. I really can’t believe that today in September of 2005 that our country is still racially divided. I don’t think that a lot of people will admit it, but it is. But then again I think that the flood waters were really bad and that they weren’t able to get help in, but nothing could be that bad that you couldn’t provide the basic necessities to American people. Personally I have always admired people of African American descent. I think that they are a people of deep roots, deep traditions, and a great sense of who they are and what their past is. When I see their dedication of keeping their heritage alive I think to myself why I don’t do that with my heritage. Then it hits me: they and their descendants with through extraordinary circumstances to get to where they are today. They have so much to be proud of that their descendants had to endure. I think that it is cool that they have a month dedicated about their heritage. Although, I think that it shouldn’t be just one month that they celebrate this, but all year long.
I have a mentor who is African American and without her I would not be in the place that I am today. She has taught me so much and I have enjoyed sitting back and watching her informing others about her heritage. She is in a sorority exclusively for African Americans, called Zeta Thi Beta and they are involved in the community and work different engagements around Central Texas. I think that it is cool that she is in it, because she is an assistant principal at a local high school, so that keeps her pretty busy, but she still takes time out of her life to help out people in the community.
I know that for the most part African Americans are good people just like the rest of us. There maybe a few bad people, but there are bad people in every race. When God made us He didn’t make us all one color for a reason, and I’d like to think that one of those reasons is because He wanted us to learn to love everyone regardless of their race or their background. But unfortunately many people will never be able to do that. "
Please take time to stop and think about MLK's dream, and pray for President Obama. Even if you don't like him or his party, he is the person that is going to lead our country for the next 4 years, and God has told us to obey our leaders.
Hbr 13:17
Obey your leaders and submit to their authority. They keep watch over you as men who must give an account. Obey them so that their work will be a joy, not a burden, for that would be of no advantage to you.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
A New Year, A New Me
Well, I wanted there is less than 12 hours left to 2008, and I am SO glad. 2008 has been the hardest year I have ever had to go through. With 3 deaths in the family, spending 4 months in the hospital, having major surgery, being so sick and near death, and so much more, but through it all there is one thing that I have learned: God will never leave my side and He is always there for me. I know that if I weren't a Christian and didn't know God that I wouldn't have made it.
So, what does 2009 hold for me? New changes. For starters, I have joined a gym. It's small, and less than a mile from my house, so I will be working out weekly, and I hope to loose some of the weight that I have gained these past few months. I am going to start volunteering with MOPS again, and I am so excited about starting that again. I am going to start my homeless ministry again. After reading "The Purpose Driven Life" a few years ago, I felt God calling me to make care bags for the homeless. Included in them will be, but not limited to: a bottle of water, crackers, clean socks, a tract, and other small food items. I am meeting with a guy who owns and runs a homeless ministry called Mobile Loaves and Fishes, and hope to get any other info for starting my ministry.
I have made a decision about what church I feel that I belong to and should be at, so I am excited to see how God will call me to get involved at church.
I am going to have alot of dental work done in the next few months to fix my teeth. My health is settling down. I hope that once I start excercising, I will start to feel better physically and emotionally. My best friend quit her job yesterday and is going to college, which means that will be able to spend more time together. I'm going to start working again, but only part-time.
I hope that 2009 is so much better than 2008 was. I wish you and your family all the best in the new year!!!
"In Christ I am a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come again."
2 Corinthians 5:17
PS: Baby Stellan is doing better. Last night he was able to drink breastmilk for the first time in days, his oxygen stats are improving, and his color has returned to normal. Check out his page for more updates.
So, what does 2009 hold for me? New changes. For starters, I have joined a gym. It's small, and less than a mile from my house, so I will be working out weekly, and I hope to loose some of the weight that I have gained these past few months. I am going to start volunteering with MOPS again, and I am so excited about starting that again. I am going to start my homeless ministry again. After reading "The Purpose Driven Life" a few years ago, I felt God calling me to make care bags for the homeless. Included in them will be, but not limited to: a bottle of water, crackers, clean socks, a tract, and other small food items. I am meeting with a guy who owns and runs a homeless ministry called Mobile Loaves and Fishes, and hope to get any other info for starting my ministry.
I have made a decision about what church I feel that I belong to and should be at, so I am excited to see how God will call me to get involved at church.
I am going to have alot of dental work done in the next few months to fix my teeth. My health is settling down. I hope that once I start excercising, I will start to feel better physically and emotionally. My best friend quit her job yesterday and is going to college, which means that will be able to spend more time together. I'm going to start working again, but only part-time.
I hope that 2009 is so much better than 2008 was. I wish you and your family all the best in the new year!!!
"In Christ I am a new creation. The old has gone and the new has come again."
2 Corinthians 5:17
PS: Baby Stellan is doing better. Last night he was able to drink breastmilk for the first time in days, his oxygen stats are improving, and his color has returned to normal. Check out his page for more updates.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
God is STILL in Control
This has been a tough week for me. One that I'd rather forget, but know I never will. My grandfather died 3 days ago, and I am having a really hard time dealing with his death. Thankfully I'm going to theraphy tomorrow, but that still doesn't help the hurt and pain that I feel.
I don't think that I would be having such a hard time if he had not gone so quickly and he had a chance to say goodbye to everyone. By the time we ( the family) realized that he wasn't going to make it he was already in a coma. He was only in the hospital for 1 week, and had only gone because he was having stomach pains. No one in my family thought that he'd be dead within a week.
I had another grandfather die earlier this year, and although I wasn't close to him, I got to say goodbye, and we knew that he was going to die because of all the strokes he kept having.
But something came in the mail last night that made me stop and think that God is STILL in control and all that is happening is in HIS timing.
I got a catalog from Family Christian Stores, and they had some of their Christmas cards displayed and on a certain card the following is written:
I don't think that I would be having such a hard time if he had not gone so quickly and he had a chance to say goodbye to everyone. By the time we ( the family) realized that he wasn't going to make it he was already in a coma. He was only in the hospital for 1 week, and had only gone because he was having stomach pains. No one in my family thought that he'd be dead within a week.
I had another grandfather die earlier this year, and although I wasn't close to him, I got to say goodbye, and we knew that he was going to die because of all the strokes he kept having.
But something came in the mail last night that made me stop and think that God is STILL in control and all that is happening is in HIS timing.
I got a catalog from Family Christian Stores, and they had some of their Christmas cards displayed and on a certain card the following is written:
"Just think, you're here not by chance, but by God's choosing.
His hand formed you and made you the person you are.
He compares you to no one else- you are one of a kind.
You lack nothing that His grace can't give you.
He has allowed you to be here at this time in history
to fufill His special purpose for this generation."
Roy Lessin
My grandfather lived a happy and full life. He kept saying that he shouldn't have lived as long as he did. He was 88 when he died. He has 5 kids, 17 grandkids & kids -in-laws, and 10 great-grandkids. He was married to my grandmother for 65 years.
God looked down and saw that my grandfather had fulfilled God's purpose for being here, and took him home to a much better place. I know that my grandfather is in Heaven running and playing with those that have gone before him and all of his pets.
Although my family is sad and in mourning, I know that my grandfather wouldn't want us to be like this.
Since this year has been a horrible year with 3 deaths in my family, me spending 4 months in the hospital and having life saving surgery and all the other thins that have happened this year; GOD IS IN CONTROL. All of this has happened in HIS TIME, not mine.
So, when you are having a hard time with life, just remember that GOD IS IN CONTROL!!!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
All God's Children
Let me begin by requesting that everyone be SAFE this Holiday Season. I went out to run some errands yesterday, and there were mad drivers everywhere, and some very close calls with wrecks. Please watch your speed while driving, and remember that nowhere is to important to get to by speeding. This time last year, I was in my first car accident because a lady didn't yield the right of way and turned right as I was driving pass the road she was turning on to. She hit me full force and I ( in my BIG car), spun out of control and hit another driver and then the light pole. Thankfully, I wasn't majoredly injured.
Just be careful and safe!!!
Now, for the "real" post.
Most of my blogging friends are my age. Late 20's and most if not all are married with children. Some have lost their babies this past year, some have had babies this year, or will have babies next year.
I wish that was me. I feel that my "clock" is ticking away, and that I will never find "Mr. Right". But, I know that God has the perfect plan for my life, and having a family isn't in the cards for me right now.
But even with our differences we are still God's Children. He has used the internet for us to connect with each other in order for us to form a community of believers that has: love for each other, prays for each other, encourages each other, comforts one another, inspires one another, and I could keep going.
I don't have a community of believers where I live that I belong to and can share my feelings and my day to day thoughts with, but I know that when I come online and write on my blog or read and comment on another blog that the internet community is there and that I have 10 - 15 women that I can turn to for encouragement.
Some may think that it is odd that I have all these blogging buddies, that I go to their site everyday to read their postings. But, because of that I have grown stronger in the Lord and I have seen that today in 2008 God still works miracles. Most of these women I will never meet on this side of Heaven, but I know that they are praying for me and I am praying for them.
God has lead me to several key sites to teach me different things:
Baby Stellan - this beautiful baby boy was NOT suppose to be born alive. He was NOT suppose to live if he was born alive. But, because of thousands of prayers and Stellan's parents faith in God, Stellan is ALIVE and doing amazing. God worked a miracle through a tiny baby boy, just like he did all those years ago when baby Jesus came into this Earth.
Tricia & Gwyneth - The days I feel I can't go on, I think of Tricia and look at her amazing strength and determination to keep living. This year alone, she has given birth to a beautiful baby girl, had a double lung transplant, and was diagnosised with and beat lymphoma. I know that her strength comes from Jesus Christ, but Tricia is an amazing example of clinging to the Cross and believing that God will get you through this and you'll never go alone. Gwyneth was born at 24 weeks and 4 days gestation weighing in at only 1lb 6oz and only 12 in. long. That was 10 months ago. Today, she is a beautiful baby girl who adores her parents and weighs 11lbs 2oz. She, along with so many other micro-preemies I know shouldn't be alive. But, with so many people praying for her and her team of Dr.'s and nurses in the NICU she is here and will be able to spend her first Thanksgiving with her family and all the people who are give thanks to God everyday that Gwyneth is here.
Their blog has been updated almost daily for a year by Nate, Tricia's husband. He is a wonderful husband and father and he too is an inspiration to me. So many time their family has been at the end, but he and thousands of people around the world have been on their knees praying for him and his family, and once again, God is still in the miracle business.
I know that I am sick, but I also know that I am not going through this alone.
The Lord says " I will never leave you."
God has each of His children right where He wants them, so that He can do things through them, in His time.
I am thankful to be meeting some of God's Children, even if it is only on the internet, because I know that the real meeting will be in Heaven, where there is no more pain, crying, sickness, or death. We will be free from our earthly bodies and all the heartache and dispair that accompanies them.
*** I know that was probably just me rambling, but I have been thinking of it all and need to get it out***
Friday, November 7, 2008
Does anyone really care?
I haven't felt good this week at all. I have spent the last 2 days in bed and never got out of my gown. I don't know if it is allergies ( which are bothering me) or something else going on. I have been in alot of pain and relying heavly on my morphine. Today I've been queazy as well.
My mom, grandmother, and all my aunts are going to Odessa, TX for the weekend, leaving me alone all weekend. With me feeling the way I am I am sensing that something is going to happen. Luckly, I have spoken with the pastor of my church and have an emergency plan in place if I do have to go to the ER.
I love the chuch that I have been going to. So much so that I think that I am going to join when I go back, which will probably be this Sunday, since my best friend wants to go as well.
The following is an e-mail that I sent to some of the staff of this church on my feelings for this church, and my feelings for the church that I am a member of.
"I just wanted to say thanks for all the support that I have been getting from the members of your church. Part of the reason I quit going to my previous church and left my community group there was because the whole time I was sick and in the hospital over the summer, I got no phone calls, e-mails, visits, etc. It hurt me that a church that big (2,500+ members) and with so many people on staff (60+ people on staff), and the closeness that I had with the members of my community group no one made any effort to check on me during my hospital stays. My thinking is that the whole point of church and especially community groups is to be there for each other and to life each other up in time of hardships,and I got none of that. But, since I have been coming to your church and the 1 time I made it to CG, I have gotten numerous e-mails, cards, and even a gift certificate for my mom and me. The people of your church is what makes that church great. "
I have always been the type of person who sends card to the sick, and really take time out to check on them. I can't believe that the people of that church and the members of my past CG, couldn't take time to do the same for me. My therapist wants me to write an outline or draft letter to send to the people on staff to let them know how they hurt me and how they might be able to change the next time someone like me comes into that church needing assistance.
God says " Love one another the way that I have loved you." I never felt that love from them. But, I do feel it from the staff and members of my new church. I really feel God's love when I am there and even when I'm not.
Don't forget to take time to show someone you care. Either by card, e-mail, a phone call, or a visit. People will remember your kindness and will pay it forward.
My mom, grandmother, and all my aunts are going to Odessa, TX for the weekend, leaving me alone all weekend. With me feeling the way I am I am sensing that something is going to happen. Luckly, I have spoken with the pastor of my church and have an emergency plan in place if I do have to go to the ER.
I love the chuch that I have been going to. So much so that I think that I am going to join when I go back, which will probably be this Sunday, since my best friend wants to go as well.
The following is an e-mail that I sent to some of the staff of this church on my feelings for this church, and my feelings for the church that I am a member of.
"I just wanted to say thanks for all the support that I have been getting from the members of your church. Part of the reason I quit going to my previous church and left my community group there was because the whole time I was sick and in the hospital over the summer, I got no phone calls, e-mails, visits, etc. It hurt me that a church that big (2,500+ members) and with so many people on staff (60+ people on staff), and the closeness that I had with the members of my community group no one made any effort to check on me during my hospital stays. My thinking is that the whole point of church and especially community groups is to be there for each other and to life each other up in time of hardships,and I got none of that. But, since I have been coming to your church and the 1 time I made it to CG, I have gotten numerous e-mails, cards, and even a gift certificate for my mom and me. The people of your church is what makes that church great. "
I have always been the type of person who sends card to the sick, and really take time out to check on them. I can't believe that the people of that church and the members of my past CG, couldn't take time to do the same for me. My therapist wants me to write an outline or draft letter to send to the people on staff to let them know how they hurt me and how they might be able to change the next time someone like me comes into that church needing assistance.
God says " Love one another the way that I have loved you." I never felt that love from them. But, I do feel it from the staff and members of my new church. I really feel God's love when I am there and even when I'm not.
Don't forget to take time to show someone you care. Either by card, e-mail, a phone call, or a visit. People will remember your kindness and will pay it forward.
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Busy Thursday
Today my mom and I were supposed to go to the movies to see "The Secret Lives of Bees". Instead we went to Carino's for lunch, and Rooms to Go to look at Loveseats. We didn't go to the movies, because I didn't feel well after eating a big lunch. I came home, and played my Wii for a little while and worked on my suduko puzzles.
I did however make many phone calls:
I made an appt. to have a dental exam, x-rays, and a cleaning next week. The first one in 4-5 years. Then I played phone tag with the dentist office trying to get a liquid anti-biotic to take 1 hr before my appt. to prevent any infections near my tube site or the clips in my heart which can occur during a dental cleaning/exam due to bacteria being stirred up and travel to any weak areas in the body.
I called my GP to try to find a pain management Dr, and to get a RX for liquid anti-naseau medicine.
I called my surgeon's office to see if I need to get back on my anti-biotics from a few weeks ago for my tube site which was, and looks infected.
I then went to Target to pick up mine and my mom's RX's and to get play-doh for the trick-or-treaters tomorrow. Yea, I said play-doh. We do have candy, and the toys from McDonalds happy meals, but I have been seeing commericals for play-doh for Halloween, and I think that it is better than giving out candy, and it was certainly cheaper than buying a huge bag of candy.
I have come to a resoultion for my feeding tube. : Even though I don't use it much anymore, and am eating real food, I will keep it for several years. Mainly for 2 reasons: if I have a relapse and can't eat again, I will have it and not have to go through the hassle of another surgery. and if/when my botox in my esophagus wears off and I won't be able to swallow anymore, I'll be able to use the tube for feeds.
But, that means that I will have an open-wound for 2 years, which I'll have to be extra careful, and I'll probably be have stitches on/off again for 2 years to keep the tube in place. But anything will do if I don't have to have another abdominal surgery again. I've had the same scar used 3 different times, and I don't think it is usable again.
I have been thinking of the verse" My God is Mighty to Save" alot today. Baby Stellan is doing amazing. He has NO signs of a heart defect, and is completly healthy. A big change from 4 months ago when the Dr.'s told his parents that he had several severe heart defects and would certainly die before or a short time after birth. God preformed a miracle on that baby, and God is still preforming miracles all around me.
Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
I did however make many phone calls:
I made an appt. to have a dental exam, x-rays, and a cleaning next week. The first one in 4-5 years. Then I played phone tag with the dentist office trying to get a liquid anti-biotic to take 1 hr before my appt. to prevent any infections near my tube site or the clips in my heart which can occur during a dental cleaning/exam due to bacteria being stirred up and travel to any weak areas in the body.
I called my GP to try to find a pain management Dr, and to get a RX for liquid anti-naseau medicine.
I called my surgeon's office to see if I need to get back on my anti-biotics from a few weeks ago for my tube site which was, and looks infected.
I then went to Target to pick up mine and my mom's RX's and to get play-doh for the trick-or-treaters tomorrow. Yea, I said play-doh. We do have candy, and the toys from McDonalds happy meals, but I have been seeing commericals for play-doh for Halloween, and I think that it is better than giving out candy, and it was certainly cheaper than buying a huge bag of candy.
I have come to a resoultion for my feeding tube. : Even though I don't use it much anymore, and am eating real food, I will keep it for several years. Mainly for 2 reasons: if I have a relapse and can't eat again, I will have it and not have to go through the hassle of another surgery. and if/when my botox in my esophagus wears off and I won't be able to swallow anymore, I'll be able to use the tube for feeds.
But, that means that I will have an open-wound for 2 years, which I'll have to be extra careful, and I'll probably be have stitches on/off again for 2 years to keep the tube in place. But anything will do if I don't have to have another abdominal surgery again. I've had the same scar used 3 different times, and I don't think it is usable again.
I have been thinking of the verse" My God is Mighty to Save" alot today. Baby Stellan is doing amazing. He has NO signs of a heart defect, and is completly healthy. A big change from 4 months ago when the Dr.'s told his parents that he had several severe heart defects and would certainly die before or a short time after birth. God preformed a miracle on that baby, and God is still preforming miracles all around me.
Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Prayerful Wednesday
Today has been a very lazy day. I slept till almost noon, and then laid in bed watching "Bizzare Food: Collections from Around the World." A docu. from the travel channel that I Netflixed.
Many prayers went to Jesus before I layed my head down to sleep last night.
Prayers for Tricia, who had a 2nd biospy this morning to learn more about her cancer. No news yet from the biospy. Prayers for baby Ashley, who is very sick and also dealing with post- transplant struggles. Prayers for new baby Stellan, born this morning with what was suppose to be a heart-defect, but shows no signs of it this afternoon.
Prayers for all my blogging friends expecting a new baby in the next few months:
Tobie
Nancy
Susie
Emily
Kenzie
Mandy
The God I love is a Big God and is mighty to save. I know that He is knitting each of these babies in their mommies wombs just the way He wants them. I know that His hand is in each of the lives of the families listed above and that His will is being done each day. Please pray for all those involved that I have mentioned about that they will remember that GOD is in CONTROL!
Many prayers went to Jesus before I layed my head down to sleep last night.
Prayers for Tricia, who had a 2nd biospy this morning to learn more about her cancer. No news yet from the biospy. Prayers for baby Ashley, who is very sick and also dealing with post- transplant struggles. Prayers for new baby Stellan, born this morning with what was suppose to be a heart-defect, but shows no signs of it this afternoon.
Prayers for all my blogging friends expecting a new baby in the next few months:
Tobie
Nancy
Susie
Emily
Kenzie
Mandy
The God I love is a Big God and is mighty to save. I know that He is knitting each of these babies in their mommies wombs just the way He wants them. I know that His hand is in each of the lives of the families listed above and that His will is being done each day. Please pray for all those involved that I have mentioned about that they will remember that GOD is in CONTROL!
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Feeding Tube and Starting Point
I am sick. I have a disease in which there is no cure. Sometimes I think that I may die from this. I have spent many weeks of this summer in the hospital, having test after test ran, all with no answers. Finally, my body gave out, and I had sugery to insert a feeding tube. It is from that I will be getting most of my nourishment for the next I don't know how long. My future looks bleak. No matter how many people pray, I am getting worse.
But, this much I am sure of. No matter how sick I get, I know that God is with me. As I look back at major events from the last 2-3 years, I see that everything was leading up to this moment, this time. Everything that happened has some part in this. It is a total God thing, and I wish that I had trusted Him more. What happens after this, I don't know.
I may die from this, but I know that God is using me and my illness to transform the lives of others.
John 9:3 says " so this has happened so that the works of God might be displayed in his life."
My prayer is that God is using me, to show others Him and His powers.
But, this much I am sure of. No matter how sick I get, I know that God is with me. As I look back at major events from the last 2-3 years, I see that everything was leading up to this moment, this time. Everything that happened has some part in this. It is a total God thing, and I wish that I had trusted Him more. What happens after this, I don't know.
I may die from this, but I know that God is using me and my illness to transform the lives of others.
John 9:3 says " so this has happened so that the works of God might be displayed in his life."
My prayer is that God is using me, to show others Him and His powers.
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