Cancer

I found out yesterday that my mom has cancer... again.
She got breast cancer my senior year of high school, a month before I graduated.
This time though she doesn't have breast cancer, she has cancer in her left hip and bone. And it's a different type of cancer from what the breast cancer was.
Thankfully, she returned to her old oncologist, and he has already started her on cancer meds.
On top of this, my mom is also having alot of neurological issues. She has short term memory loss, she has been shaking really bad, and some other neuro issues. We are going to see the neuro Dr. tomorrow, and she will order tests: MRI, blood work, etc, and we will wait again for more results and see what is wrong with my mom's brain.
Please keep my mom in your prayers. She is my primary caregiver... I am sick too and have been for the past 5 years. I have had 20 surgeries in the past 2 years alone, and I am having my 2nd surgery this year in 2 weeks to put in a 3rd feeding tube (my stomach doesn't work). My Dr.'s are not optimistic about this tube working, but it's the last chance that I have. If it doesn't work, or my body rejects it, then I will have to begin IV/TPN nutrition, and that is only used as a last result. But, I have lost 30 lbs in less than 3 months, and I am losing weight everyday, and my body can't keep up. I'm only eating about 600 calories a day, which is nowhere near where a normal person would eat.
I have several other major health issues that need to be addressed too, but me getting nutrition in me is the 1st and highest priority.

Please just pray for my mom and me. Pray for our family. Pray for the Dr.'s that are treating us.

Thank you for your prayers.
Emily

ER trip Round 2

Yesterday, Sunday, I spent about 5 hrs in the ER. I have been in much more increased pain, especially when eating and trying to do tube feeds. Since I went to the ER at 4am, there wasn't a wait and I got into a room almost immediatly. I was also at this same ER 10 days ago, for what I thought was a different problem, but by the time I was released I realized both trips were for the same issue.
The Dr. did a radiograph, which means I had some really thick dye inserted into my tube to see if maybe I had a leak in my tube. Good news is no leak. Bad news is that my bowels are about 9-10 ft backed up. I didn't think that was the problem since I have been on extra fiber and pills to help regulate my bowels (and I thought they were working) since my 1st visit 10 days ago, but I was so wrong. The extra pain that I am having is because anytime I eat anything there is nowhere for the food to go since I am so backed up. So, tomorrow I will be starting a drink that is normaly given to patients who are about to have a colonoscopy. Luckily, I will not have to actually drink it, but I can put it through my tube. I have to have atleast 3 liters (think of the 3 liter bottles of coke) to have any chance to completly empty my bowels. But, because of my ongoing gastro issues, there is a higher chance that I will have more side effects from drinking/ pushing this stuff.
Please pray that this stuff will work, and I won't have any or many side effects from it.
Also, while I was in the ER, I asked for some extra pain meds, and they gave me a lollipop version on the pain med I am currently on. They called it "pain med on a stick". It was a much higher version than what I am currently on, but after eating/licking it, I was totally pain free for 24 hrs. It also completly knocked me out and I slept for almost 16 hrs. I am glad they gave it to me, because after having both nerve blocks and nerve ablaton fail, I didn't know that my current pain med came in a different form or a higher dose.
I am going to see my pain Dr. next week to ask him where I go from here. With the failed injections and the pain getting worse, (not from this issue) I want to discuss my options about my pain care, and after having that extra pain pop I know that there are additional meds that I can try.
Please also be in prayer that I can remain healthy. I have been feeling more sick recently, and I feel that I am coming down with an upper respiratory infection or pneoumnia. I have the all the symptoms of both, but there is nothing I can take until I become sicker or start running a fever.

Unexpected Surgery Round 2

I had a very unexpected surgery this morning. My new tube broke/came out yesterday (yes, the same one I had put in 2 weeks ago) and I spent most of the Sunday afternoon in the ER waiting for a surgery that never happened for 2 reasons 1) no one read my chart to see that I have to be sedated for this surgery ( it was going to be done w/o sedating me) 2) they didn't/couldn't find the correct tube. So, surgery took place about 10am. I brought the correct tube, so they knew what to use. I have made up my mind that if this tube falls out again, I will NOT have another surgery to have a new one put in. This is my 6th surgery for a new tube in 5 months. After today, I won't do it again. I don't know what time I will be home, but probably mid-late afternoon.

Will this ever end?

This weekend, especially Friday, I feel I have taken a turn for the worse. I am having to rely on my pain & anti-anxiety meds much more know, as the pain has greatly increased. I tried to take a feeding, on the lowest rate possible and I had to stop after the first 50ml, only 1 hr. in because the pain was too great. I tried to continue later in the day, but to no avail. Plus, my new feeding tube is not going to make it. When the stitches come out, there will be nothing to hold the tube in place and it is leaking. I want my old tube back, because I know that it works. Actually, I don't want any feeding tube at all, but that's is not a possiblility. It is getting increasingly painful to eat again, so I have started my baby food, no texture diet again. That includes: baby food, popcicles, soup, pot pies. Not much, I know, but any time food hits my stomach I am in great pain.
I have already lost 10lbs in about a week, and feel that the number will increase the worst I get. I can't do anything because I feel so bad and I'm in so much pain. I have no energy because I'm not eating much. So, my bed has become my new hangout place. Thankfully I have Netflix, so I get new movies every few days.

I guess getting this nerve block on Monday is happening at a great time. I pray that it works and that I will be able to take more tube feeds without pain.

I can't go to the hospital because there is a note in my chart to not give me any more pain meds. But, considering I am already on very powerful pain meds, there should be no reason why I should be in pain. I can't go to my GI doc because he doesn't know what more there is to do. I feel pushed up against a brick wall.

Feeling bad together

Dakota feels and looks much like I do.

I am very sore, and just not feeling well today. I have slept most of the day and slept well (for me) last night. My surgery site is very swollen and tender to touch, but I HAD to change the dressing last night. I tried to do a tube feed, but after about a hour stopped due to pain.

I had wanted to go to church this morning, and even woke up early, but couldn't talk myself into going. I want to go to church tonight, as the pastor is starting a new series, but feel not well, and can't get out of the house, much less my bed.

More bruises are coming up from my fall and I've always heard that the 3rd day is when you feel the worse. Guess what day today is?

Both Dakota and I are still needing prayers.

Thx.

The Lord is with me... us

Before I begin, Dakota is need lots of prayers tonight. She's back in the PICU and on a vent and sedated. Tomorrow is Kayleigh's funeral/memorial service. For those unable to attend (it's in North Carolina) the family is asking that at 4pm, where ever you are that you release pink balloons into the sky to float away, and on the balloons please write the following:
On Sunday (May 17th), at 4:00PM(EST) after the memorial, we will be letting off pink balloons in Kayleigh's name. Tied to each balloon will be a card that reads:

Kayleigh Anne Freeman

Our One Pound Miracle from God

(6/23/08 - 5/11/09)

www.KayleighAnneFreeman.blogspot.com

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On to me. The past 48 hrs have indescribable. Thursday I remember not feeling well that day and I was "taking it easy" and had taken a nap. After waking up, I went into my kitchen to get something to eat. All of a sudden I felt very faint, I remember trying to get into the living room to sit, but didn't make it. I fainted and fell face first on to my tiled floors. I blacked out, and came to about 5 min. later. When I came to I realized I was laying in a pool of blood. I had hit my teeth and bit my lip in the fall. I laid there for a few mins to come to and see if anything was broken and if I could stand up. I got up, found my phone and called 911. The paramedics came and when they took my blood pressure it was in the low 80's (not good). They loaded me into the ambulance and off we went to the hospital. On the ride over, I called my pastor and he met me at the hospital. I also called one of my aunt's ( my mom is out of town taking care of another one of her sister's who is sick and can't be left alone). My aunt arrived shortly after I did. I had 25 x-rays done and 2 CAT scans, they could find nothing wrong. My BP never got above 100 ( still not good), but they let me go home anyways. Other than being sore and bruised, I had no other injuries. But, they also never determined why I fainted. Thursday night, I spent the night and another one of my aunt's houses, so I wouldn't be alone if something happened. I spent all of Friday morning resting at my grandmother's house ( my aunt took her to the Dr). When my aunt brought my grandmother back home, she took me back to my house.

I was not back to 100% normal on Friday. I had only been home for about a hour Friday afternoon, when 2 things happened. One, I was flushing my feeding tube ( a new one that was put in last week) and while flushing it, it broke in half and slid out. (that wasn't suppose to happen). After the tube came out, I had another fainting spell. This time I didn't fall, because I was sitting in a chair, but I did black out. Because the tube came out I only had a 1-2 hour window to put a new one in, before the hole would start to close. Knowing I couldn't drive, I called 911 again, and got another ride to the ER. This time my BP was all over the place. It would drop into the 80's or spike into the 150's ( not good either). I had more tests done, labs taken, etc, but the Dr.'s still could find no reason for my fainting spells. My tube was a whole different story. Because too much time had passed, almost 5 hrs, the hole was already closed (or so I thought). At 10pm the radiology team came and got me and took me to radiology and tried to put a new, smaller, the 1st size tube in. I was awake, but also fully sedated. The surgery was a success on the 1st try and I didn't think that it would be, and we would have to go the long way (open surgery) to put it back in. I was released at midnight to my aunt, who brought me home, and I've been home alone ever since.

I have been fine today, but have slept most of the day. I am sore from surgery and my fall. I have an appt. first thing Monday morning with my reg. Dr. to see if she/ we can figure out what is going on. This sort of thing has NEVER happened before, so we are quite confused. This morning 2 of my aunts, 1 uncle, and my grandmother left to go on vacation to New Mexico. My mom is still out of town, taking care of her sister, and God is taking care of me today.

But, I want to say that all of last night I was in constant communication (texting) with the members of my Community Group, and although they could not be with me physically, I knew that they were praying for me constantly. I had one member from my group who visited for about a hour, but the rest of the members were VERY supportive of me. I thank God for them and what they did for me last night. I have gotten several e-mails and texts from them today checking in on me too.

I had a little bit of "free" time right before my surgery and I was really freaking out, so I pulled out my Bible and started reading scripture. I started reading the 23rd Psalm, but then I found this passage:

Psalm 91: 14-16

"Because he loves me," says the Lord, "I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name. He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him. With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation."

I started reading it and praying it, and I felt this intense peace about my surgery, as I was in the room and being prepped.

I have learned or re-learned that the LORD is ALWAYS with us. The verse above says it all. So many times I think that we get too busy in our lives and when something goes wrong we think that the Lord has left us. But that is far from the truth. In our weakest times and moments, that is when Christ is at HIS strongest. And all we have to do is ask. Not even that, just believe that God is always with us and He never leaves us or forsakes us. He promises us that.

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Please keep me in your prayers. Pray that the Dr.'s can figure out what is going on and what is causing my health problems. My mom comes home tomorrow. My appt is Monday morning.

Please keep Dakota and Kayleigh's family in your prayers as well.

Dakota and Me

First, I want to ask all my prayer warriors to pray for Dakota. She is still in the hospital, and has been moving between a normal floor and the PICU. She developed a blood clot in one of her iv's and she is STILL battaling the same infections that she has been for 8 weeks now.
I know she is tired from the hospital and that her parents, expecially mom is completly worn out. Her mom has stayed by her side, even sleeping on the couch for the past 8 weeks.
Please pray for this family. I don't know what more to ask to pray for that hasn't already been asked, but I know that the Holy Spirit interceeds on our behalf.


UPDATE on APPT:
My site looks great. The best the surgeon has ever seen.
no NEW surgery this week, but I have to make a BIG decision about my feeding tube. My surgeon said this: " you can pick the size and kind you want to have put in." Like I really want to go 'shopping' for a new feeding tube. Uh NO!!


Second, I am going to an appt. this afternoon to see MY surgeon. I'm a bit nervous, and have already packed an overnite bag, just in case he orders surgery for tonight. My tube is too big for me and the hole, so the tube is starting to be rejected by my body. It doesn't look pretty, and smells even worse. I can't touch it without intense pain, and taking tube feeds is WAY out of the question. I know it is infected because the Dr.'s at one hospital did a culture and it came back positive for a staph infection. But, the Dr.'s at the hospital that I was at last week didn't believe them and thus didn't order any anti- biotics.
Last night I slept horrible, today I am really not feeling well and need to take my meds, but can't drive while I'm on them.
If I don't update tonight, it is because I am in the hospital.
Please pray for peace for me and that all the right things will be done today and the Dr. will make the right choices concerning my care.

I'm Home

First off, I want to talk about Tricia. She fell in a parking lot today and busted up her hands and knees pretty bad. She went to the ER to get cleaned up, but she is in ALOT of pain. Please pray for her, for quick healing, and that the pain would go away quickly.

Secondly, I AM HOME!!!!!!!!!!!

I came home from the hospital this afternoon. I just woke up from a nap, so sleeping tonight may not go over real big.

I am home, but things are not all good. My mom had cleaned my room, made my bed, and had candles burning when I got home. I took about a hour nap, I started doing to bue feed, and then ripped the tap off ( which is holding the tape in place), and that's when I saw it! My body is starting to reject the new feeding tube. I don't/want to go into details on why I have a new tube, but let me just say this new tube : the diameter of the 1st tube was . 10 in . It was small/ tiny enough to use for babies in the NICU to get food in them. The new tube ( that was placed by a radiologist, not a surgeon) has a diameter of about 1/2 an inc., which is MUCH bigger than the first. Because this tube is so big, I had a specail test yesterday to findout if it was 1 "usable" 2 "usable for long terms" . Both tests came back showing yes. When I took a bath this afternoon to clean the tube site and all the adhesive off my body, that's when I noticed that my body is beginning to reject the tube. It's just too big. I called my surgeron and I have an appt with him Monday afternoon. I'm hoping and more the willling to have another surgery to place a correct size tube. Please pray that all goes well on Monday.

I'm in the hospital

Miss me much this past week?
I've been in the hospital, and my dad just brought me my laptop. I've missed blogging, and I miss being home, but I am glad that I am here getting the help I need. While I won't go into details I will say that the Dr.s are trying to figure out what is causing my pain when I eat and do my tube feeds. I've had 2 surgical procedures last week to work on and put in a new feeding tube after the first one fell out due to a Dr.'s mistake.
I am hooked up to a PICC line, and a PCA (pain pump), and the normal liquids. Yesterday I started "soft mechanical" diet food. Meaning: eggs, sandwiches, grits, soup, pudding, etc.

Please keep me in your prayers. I am having several anxiety attacks a day, and the anxiety is causing my bp to sky rocket. It's been in the 140's.

I'll post more when I get home... whenever that will be.

Something Old, Something New

After spending 4 days in the Hospital, I am home. I only had 2 tests ran, but this time around we weren't really testing for anything. The only results were that I have anemia. I am still recovering from spneding 4 days in bed, and the PICC line that was put in, I am having some troubles healing from the tape and the line that was put in, and then taken out.
The conclusion that we came to is this one:
The feeding tube (my J-tube. which is in my small intestine), will STAY in. I will start using it, and start on the smallest feed possible ( and slowly increase my feeds), 1 can a day, which is 8 fluid oz and 285 calories per can. One can will take about 3-4 hours to dispense by using my pump.
For the rest of my food intake I will start eating baby food ( for fruit wise). I am buying a blender/ food processor tomorrow to make smoothies, slushies, to puree some fruits and veggies. I will also be eating soft, non-textured food: jello, pudding, baby fruit, soup, popsciles, etc.
Because I am also watching my salt intake, I will stop eating frozen meals ( not like I gorged on them in the first place). I will watch my soda intake, and try to drink more water and non-sugary juice.
All of my "extra" food that I have and will not or cannot eat, I am donating to a local food bank.

On Monday I am returning to my pain management Dr, for a check-up for my pain. While in the hospital I was getting a HIGH amount of pain meds, which worked.

I enjoy reading people's comments, and apprecaite the prayers.

Is there anything else that can be done?

Well, I have started to take a turn for the worse again.

First off, the pain has returned with a vengenace. I am on my pain med, which is Dilaulid, and to give you an idea what kind of main med that is: it's about 10 times as strong as morphine. Morphine is what most people get after they have had surgery. I am on pills, and although I have requested liquid form from my Dr. he won't give it to me. If I had the liquid kind I could put it in my tube, and it would get entered into my blood stream and stop the pain faster. My Dr. said I could crush the pills and make it into a liquid by adding sugar and water, but didn't tell me how much of each to add, so fo now I will stay on the pills, till I go back to my Dr. in mid- Feb. for a check-up, unless I get worse. So, for that please pray that the Dr. will give me the liquid form.

I have had to cancel all my activites and other Dr. appts this week, because I can't drive on the pain meds, and I've been in to much pain to leave the house.

Second, the pain has been located in my intestines and stomach area, which means that something is wrong. I called to make an appt. with my gastro Dr. and the first available wasn't until Feb. 2nd. I was not happy, especially since I had spoken to the office manager and he said that he could get me in withing the next week. If I'm not better by Monday, I'm calling the office manager back. I had originally called the office manager because I wanted to switch Dr.'s because my GI had told me at my last visit that he doesn't know what else to do for me and that there is nothing else he can do. It's very disheartening to hear that from a Dr.
I have lost my appetite, and should be doing my tube feeds, but I can't motivate myself enough to connect myself to it again, since I have been doing so good for these past few months. I know that I will need to connect eventually to keep my nutrients up, but I just can't imagine going back to it.

Please pray that I can start wanting to do my tube feeds and pray that I can get an earlier appt. for my GI dr.

Third, the botox in my esphagus is starting to wear off, and it shouldn't be. The Dr. put double the dose in this past time, in July, and it should last 2-3 years, but it's only been 6 months. Swallowing foods is becoming increasingly difficult and more painful. My mom wants to go back to the Dr. who did it in St. Louis, but I remember him saying that if the botox didn't work, than he'd put a feeding tube in, and I already have that. So, I don't know what else he can do.

I don't know what else anyone can do. I have heard of 1 case of a person's esphagus being removed completly, and the small intestine being stretched into a new esphagus. That's very drastic, and I'm not there yet.

Please pray that my pain will either stop or something can be figured out. Pray that I can get in quicker to see my GI Dr. Pray for my body, as I being to start to relapse again, that it will stop and get better.

Busy Thursday

Today my mom and I were supposed to go to the movies to see "The Secret Lives of Bees". Instead we went to Carino's for lunch, and Rooms to Go to look at Loveseats. We didn't go to the movies, because I didn't feel well after eating a big lunch. I came home, and played my Wii for a little while and worked on my suduko puzzles.
I did however make many phone calls:
I made an appt. to have a dental exam, x-rays, and a cleaning next week. The first one in 4-5 years. Then I played phone tag with the dentist office trying to get a liquid anti-biotic to take 1 hr before my appt. to prevent any infections near my tube site or the clips in my heart which can occur during a dental cleaning/exam due to bacteria being stirred up and travel to any weak areas in the body.
I called my GP to try to find a pain management Dr, and to get a RX for liquid anti-naseau medicine.
I called my surgeon's office to see if I need to get back on my anti-biotics from a few weeks ago for my tube site which was, and looks infected.

I then went to Target to pick up mine and my mom's RX's and to get play-doh for the trick-or-treaters tomorrow. Yea, I said play-doh. We do have candy, and the toys from McDonalds happy meals, but I have been seeing commericals for play-doh for Halloween, and I think that it is better than giving out candy, and it was certainly cheaper than buying a huge bag of candy.

I have come to a resoultion for my feeding tube. : Even though I don't use it much anymore, and am eating real food, I will keep it for several years. Mainly for 2 reasons: if I have a relapse and can't eat again, I will have it and not have to go through the hassle of another surgery. and if/when my botox in my esophagus wears off and I won't be able to swallow anymore, I'll be able to use the tube for feeds.
But, that means that I will have an open-wound for 2 years, which I'll have to be extra careful, and I'll probably be have stitches on/off again for 2 years to keep the tube in place. But anything will do if I don't have to have another abdominal surgery again. I've had the same scar used 3 different times, and I don't think it is usable again.

I have been thinking of the verse" My God is Mighty to Save" alot today. Baby Stellan is doing amazing. He has NO signs of a heart defect, and is completly healthy. A big change from 4 months ago when the Dr.'s told his parents that he had several severe heart defects and would certainly die before or a short time after birth. God preformed a miracle on that baby, and God is still preforming miracles all around me.

Zephaniah 3:17
"The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."

Infant Remberance Day

This next Wed. , Oct. 15, 2008 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rembrance Day. Please go to this website to read all about the history of this day and how what people can do to remember the infants that have passed away before their lives have been fully lived.


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I am still sick. Not so much with the flu anymore, but I'm having really hard problems with my asthma, and my feet are still swelling. I didn't sleep much last night, so I wanted to nap this afernoon, but when I lay down I start coughing and have an asthma attack. If I fall below the danger level for my peak flows, then I have to go to the ER to get a better nebulizer treatment. I am taking neb. treatments here at home, but they aren't really doing anything to help me. My feet are continuing to swell and are hurting more. If I am still like this on Monday I am too call the Dr. back and get some tests done to see what is causing the swelling.

But the good thing about being sick is my loss of an appetite, which means that I am able to take my tube feeds at ease and with no problems at all.

Everything that can go bad has gone bad today

Today has been a very crappy day. My swelling is increasing, and has now spread to both my ankles and feet. My ankles are the size of baseballs and hurting. My last stitch came out, thus allowing the complete tube to fall out, and my mom had to push it back in. I just feel bad all around.
Tomorrow I will be on complete bed rest with both feet propped up, and only on tube feeds. If that does not make things better than I will go to the ER on Sunday or the DR. on Monday. I haven't decided yet, but it just depends on what happens tomorrow.
I started having an asthma attack tonight, and had to take my resuce inhaler which makes me very shaky. I had to take my pain patch off because I started having mood swings, which means I will go back to my morphine every 4-6 hours.
I had another meltdown tonight and when my mom asked how she could help I told her that she could put me out of my misery. I just don't know how long I can keep going like this. I HATE that the Dr.s don't know what is going on or how to fix it. I HATE that my life has come to where it is. I'm 27 years old, have a feeding tube, and have several undiagonised medical condtions that may never be fully revealed, and there is no Dr. in Austin that can tell me what is wrong, because they have never had a patient like me that has so many disfunctions at the same time.

I am afraid to go to sleep tonight because I can just sense that something is not right and I am afraid that I will not wake up in the morning. My mom really thinks that staying on bedrest tomorrow might "fix" me. I HATE that she keeps coming up with "lets try this or that" when she herslef has no idea what is going on or how to fix it. She knows that I should go to the ER tonight, but because she hates the hospital and I've been in it for 7 weeks this summer, she can't stand to go back.
Can't anyone just admit that they don't know what is going on with me instead of guessing?
Please pray that I will make it through the night and that I will either be able to go to the ER tomorrow or that I will be better.

Also, my friend Tricia is sick, please pray that she will get better soon. She already has a weakened immune system from her transplant and now her chemo.

Wednesday night

I have a longer post in the works, but I have been sick with sinus stuff, that I was in bed all day yesterday and should have been today. Eating is going better, so not much of a need for tube feeds. But, I'm using the medicine port on my tube much more for liquid meds, which is cool cuz then I don't have to taste them.
I'll post longer tomorrow with Ike pics that I have found that are amazing.
Tonight I went to a new community group with a new church, that was quite different from my old community group. More on that tomorrow.

Sunday night

Today has been a lazy day. I haven't felt well today, and had too much pain while taking a tube feed that I stopped. I'm calling the GI Dr. in the morning to try to get in sooner. I've been in so much pain the past few days that I am thinking about putting on a fentyl pain patch. My tube site is trying to heal, but can't so it had been bleeding and oozing last night and today. It is red and sore, but the surgeon says that is normal. This week will be 6 weeks with the tube.

My new battle had to do with my stomach and brain battling each other.

Because my tube is in my small intestine, it bypasses my stomach. But I still get all the nutrients I need through my tube, when I take feeds. Even still, my stomach is telling my brain that it is starving, which is causing me to eat substanial amounts of food which makes my stomach and body worse. It is a daily, minute by minute struggle, that I don't know how to win or if I will win.

My brother and family survived the hurricane and is working on a way to get to Austin, as their city is being shut down until they get water, power, and get cleaned up. My dad's best friend ( who is a woman), and her roommate and cat are also working on a way to get to Austin to stay with my dad, as their city has no water or power either. And it maybe weeks before either city has power and water.

I didn't make it to church this morning or this evening. I just didn't feel like it and couldn't talk myself into going. But, this week I will be starting a new Bible Study/ Community Group and I am hoping that it turns out to be OK. I left my old CG due to girl drama. Yes, even young adult women have girl drama. I'm really wanting to meet some new people and make new friends. My CG was the only connection I had to the outside world, and now I have lost that. I have been so lonely at home. I still don't have much stamina and get tired quickly.

I better get strong quick because I signed up to be a volunteer with the Lance Armstrong LiveStrong Challenge next month in Austin.

But I signed up for that for 2 reasons. 1 ~ I love volunteering and although I know that I am not strong enough to walk 5 kms, I knew that I could be a volunteer for a few hours. 2~ My best friend and I are going to the Carrie Underwood concert the weekend after the challenge, so working it will be like a test to see if I can make it through the concert. We bought tickets before I got sick the last time, but we both love Carrie Underwood, and I don't want to let my friend down by not going.

That's all for now, got to back back to lay on my heating pad.

My almost thoughts and new babies

I have so many thoughts going through my head right now. Thank God for my theraphy session tomorrow morning. After I sort things out and I can think better I will put everything down. Please just pray that I get alot accomplished in theraphy tomorrow, I have a lot to say since I didn't go last week because of my ER visit.

My surgery went well. Much better and quicker than I expected. I had taken an anti-anxiety pill before we left the house so I didn't care what he did do me. He said that what I thought was infected was not and it was actually the skin trying to heal itself. He put 2 new stitches in that will stay for 5 weeks. He said after the 2nd set is out, that if my tube falls out that I can put it back in myself (ha) or immediately go to him or the ER and have them put it back in. If I wait more than 1 hour than the hole will close and we'll have to make a new one through another surgery. I came home and slept 15 hours last night, which is good because I had not slept the 2 nights before due to insomnia.

One of my fellow blogging buddies had quad's this afternoon. Addison, Alyssa, Trevor, and Kendelle were born this afternoon. All are healthy and happy. Momma is doing just fine. You can see weights and pics on their website: http://jennmike-kingquads.blogspot.com/

I have started running a high fever ( for me anyways because I don't normally run fevers). I have had it since Sunday and it is only climbing. I am going to the Dr. on Friday morning to see what is going on. Also, I have a very busy week ( 4 appts. in 3 days), please pray for stamina and that I won't get too tired.

Eating, Feeding, and Life

Well, I am finally getting better. After a trip to the ER on Monday for extreme abdominal pain (again), I have made a full rebound this week, and was even well enough to have Starbucks with a friend this morning.
I am able to eat again. I'm suppose to be on a bland diet, but that's not happening. Yesterday, I thought that I was going to eat everything in sight. Today, I woke and prayed that God will take away my appetite because I know that is the only for me to stop eating junk food. So far it has worked.
I got a new feeding pump on Thursday. My last one was big and heavy, but this one is small and I can put it and my bag of forumla in a backpack and carry it with me while I am out of the house. It will give me much more mobility and freedom.
I am having minor surgery Monday afternoon to rotate and re-stitch my tube. One of the stitches came out this week and my tube site has been bleeding and hurting all day. I have a feeling that it is infected and abscessed, but we will see on Monday. I am kinda of scared about the part of feeling him stitch me up, but I know he will numb me first, but still.
I am really hoping to make it to church tomorrow. We are having a welcome back picnic/ get involved thing. I am looking for a new community group, so I hope to find info about one.

Please be in prayer for a friend of mine. Her name is Kenzie and her baby girl is Faith Claire. Kenzie is 6 months pregant, and started having intense contractions on Wednesday night. Last night the meds stopped working, but she is still holding out. Pray that the Dr.'s can stop the contractions, and the Faith will remain inside as long as possible. They have a 2 year old, and had a baby die at birth this past January.

and the storm rages on

I am going to get blood work and a mammogram later this week, as I am starting to show signs of breast cancer. My mom, grandmother, and great aunt all had breast cancer, so I am at a higher risk.

My tube feedings are coming along. I still am only getting 2-3 cans of formula a day, but if I can stay up with only eating bland foods, then I can get my calories from both formula and food. My mother told me something the other day that finally made everything sink in. She said, " eating only makes it worse." She is right. Me eating "real" foods only makes my body sicker and in more pain. So, back to bland we go.

Tonight is community group and I haven't been in 6 weeks. I called the leader of the group this afternoon and asked if he would be willing to lead the group in a laying of the hands prayer time for me and he said yes. My community group has been there for me these past few months. Some of the girls have visited me in the hospital, and some of the guys have come to my house to fix somethings that were broken. I know that they have been praying for me, but I feel the need and desire for them to pray over me. They are my only connection to church right now and without them I am so lonely.

Busy week ahead

This week is going to be a busy one, and I hope that I have enough strength to stay up.
Today was the first day that I got out of the house by myself. I went to HEB to get a few things, and came home and crashed. Tomorrow I have a post surgery check-up, Wednesday I have talk theraphy, and Friday - Sunday is a family reunion. I think that the thing I am dreading the most is spending all weekend with my family. I have a rather large family. There is about 40 of us. Including my mom, there are 5 kids; including me there are 15 cousins, in which I am the youngest; and there are 10 2nd cousins. Some of my family still treats me like the baby of the family too, even though I am 27.
I haven't decided to take my feeding stuff to the reunion, but if I am spending all day and all weekend at my aunt's house then I take everything or else I don't do my feeds for 3 days. But, on the other hand I am worried that if I do take everything that more of my family will treat me like I can't do anything for myself, and I can. I am fully mobile on my pump, it just takes alot of room for me to move around.
I am having alot of problems with my pump and the bags the formula goes in. Please pray that the medical supply company can rent me the portable pump. They don't normally do that, but the lady we are talking with is going to try and make an exception for me.
The rest of the bandages fell off last night and I finally got a look at my inscicion. It looks good, but different. This is the 3rd time this scar has been used, and it probably won't be the last.
One of the stitches holding the tube in place is very close to breaking off, and that is causing the outside of my tube to become swollen. We are having a lot of trouble with the tube and I am afraid I will have to get a new one.
I am, everyday getting to be in better spirits; it is just taking a while.