Tuesday, September 30, 2008

September Ends... October begins

Today is the last day of Sept. and I am so happy. It has been a LONG, Hard month, and I am hoping that October holds out better than Sept. was. However, I am not starting out Oct. on a high note. I am bloated and my abdomen is getting more swollen every day, and once again, there are no answers of why. I am gaining weight quickly, but it's not from food or feeds because I am not eating much at all, just one meal a day. And it's not from feeds, because I cannot tolerate them due to pain. I am back on my morphine on a daily basis, which only makes my problem worse, but I am in so much pain and I am just so uncomfortable. When I went to the GI Dr. 2 weeks ago, he said that one cause of my pain/discomfort/swelling could be from an intestinal blockage or obstruction. If I am not better by Thursday, I am calling the GI Dr. back to see what to do next.
Therapy was just what I needed today, another cry fest. I did everything that I could to keep from crying, but I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Then tonight as I was watching the Biggest Loser and a DVD documentary on elephants I started crying over every accomplishment, celebration, and when one of my fav. team members got sent home on the BL. I still have 4 more hours on the documentary (it is 6 hrs.) and I know there will be much more crying.
Sleeping is obviously not for me. I miss it so much, and just want 1 night of pure uninterupted sleep of 8 hours, but I don't see that happening anytime soon. At most I get between 4-6 hours, and that's with a sleeping pill. Being sick and not sleeping are not a good mix, and will catch up to me eventually.
Tomorrow I get to go "play" with my father. I haven't spoken to him in 4-5 days, and today's conversation was another reason of why we're not close. I don't want to go into deatails, but I will just say that is has been almost 7 months since my grandfather died, and my dad has known in that time that he needed to find the title of my grandfather's car, in order to put the title in my mom's name. The registration on my car expires in 31 days and if my dad can't find the title. well I don't know.
As of today I have offically become my grandfather's personal chauffer. Joy! I really tried to keep my mouth shut today and only speak when I was spoken to, but just speaking to him ( answering one of his questions) was the one thing that sent my grandfather off the deep end and cussed me out. I should put a stop to these daily outings, but my grandfather pays me when I take him places, and I need the money.

Please pray that Oct. is better for me than Sept. was, and that my pain will cease soon.