Monday, September 29, 2008

Monday night

Today has been another lazy day. I am still not feeling that well, and my pain and nausea are back with a vegeance. Today I did my laundry for the first time in 2 months, picked up my room a little and put my shelving unit together for my bathroom. But, those 3 things completly wore me out. I finally filled out my disability paperwork and mailed it. One of the questions on there was odd: Do you have any fears? Yeah, I am afraid of death. I don't know why, but since getting sick I have had this great fear that I am going to die soon. My body has been though so much trauma and hurt these past 4 months, that I am afraid that it is going to give out. And my therapist told me that a reason of my isnoumina is that my sub-consciousness is protecting my body by not letting me fall asleep. That may be very true, but I know I shouldn't be afraid I know where I'm going, but I'm young and still have so much to live for. But no one knows when they will die. Anybody can get in their car and drive somewhere and be killed in a car accident.

My mom and I were going to go to Marie Callendar's for dinner tonight ( I've been craving their meatloaf), but as we were leaving the neighborhood, I changed my mind and we went to Whataburger instead.

I have 3 prayer requests for tonight:
1. A friend of mine's daughter is in the hospital with pneoumina. Dakota is 2 1/2 and was born at 25 weeks, and still has loads of medical problems. She spent 8 months in the NICU, and this is her 3-4 hospitalization this year. You can check her website for updates and her story:
Dakota Rose . Her mom and I are becoming good friends, because Dakota also has a feeding tube, so her mom has been giving me advice, and she came and saw me in the hospital.
2. Another blogging friend, Trica, had her 4th round of chemo this morning and is feeling the side effects from this. Tricia has Cystic Fibrosis and had a double lung transplant in April of 2008, then she got post-transplant lukemia. Tricia and her family have inspired and encouraged me and so many thousands of other people around the world. Her husbands blog has had almost 6 millon hits since January, the birth of their daughter Gwyenth Rose, born at 24 weeks. Please check out her husband's blog : , for updates and the full story.
3. I just recieved an urgent e-mail from a guy in my singles dept. at church telling me that another one of our single's mom is hovering near death, as she is being taken off life support tonight. The guy who is dealing with his mom and I have had several conversations this summer about our voices and how they are different and how people have made fun of us for our differences and how we are living with it. My is different because I was entubated ( put on a ventaliator) so many times as an infant and young child that my voice box is scarred for life. His is different because he was in a horrific car accident and his voice box was damaged during the crash. Please keep the Watt's family in your prayers as they are dealing with this and for peace and strength after his mom's death.

After writing my "relationship" piece yesterday I had a much better day today with concerning that issue. I didn't think about her at all today and was able to focus on other things. I knew writing it down and getting it out would be good.

That's all for tonight, it's late and I'm off to bed.