Sunday, October 11, 2009

Will this ever end?

This weekend, especially Friday, I feel I have taken a turn for the worse. I am having to rely on my pain & anti-anxiety meds much more know, as the pain has greatly increased. I tried to take a feeding, on the lowest rate possible and I had to stop after the first 50ml, only 1 hr. in because the pain was too great. I tried to continue later in the day, but to no avail. Plus, my new feeding tube is not going to make it. When the stitches come out, there will be nothing to hold the tube in place and it is leaking. I want my old tube back, because I know that it works. Actually, I don't want any feeding tube at all, but that's is not a possiblility. It is getting increasingly painful to eat again, so I have started my baby food, no texture diet again. That includes: baby food, popcicles, soup, pot pies. Not much, I know, but any time food hits my stomach I am in great pain.
I have already lost 10lbs in about a week, and feel that the number will increase the worst I get. I can't do anything because I feel so bad and I'm in so much pain. I have no energy because I'm not eating much. So, my bed has become my new hangout place. Thankfully I have Netflix, so I get new movies every few days.

I guess getting this nerve block on Monday is happening at a great time. I pray that it works and that I will be able to take more tube feeds without pain.

I can't go to the hospital because there is a note in my chart to not give me any more pain meds. But, considering I am already on very powerful pain meds, there should be no reason why I should be in pain. I can't go to my GI doc because he doesn't know what more there is to do. I feel pushed up against a brick wall.

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