Friday, October 3, 2008

Everything that can go bad has gone bad today

Today has been a very crappy day. My swelling is increasing, and has now spread to both my ankles and feet. My ankles are the size of baseballs and hurting. My last stitch came out, thus allowing the complete tube to fall out, and my mom had to push it back in. I just feel bad all around.
Tomorrow I will be on complete bed rest with both feet propped up, and only on tube feeds. If that does not make things better than I will go to the ER on Sunday or the DR. on Monday. I haven't decided yet, but it just depends on what happens tomorrow.
I started having an asthma attack tonight, and had to take my resuce inhaler which makes me very shaky. I had to take my pain patch off because I started having mood swings, which means I will go back to my morphine every 4-6 hours.
I had another meltdown tonight and when my mom asked how she could help I told her that she could put me out of my misery. I just don't know how long I can keep going like this. I HATE that the Dr.s don't know what is going on or how to fix it. I HATE that my life has come to where it is. I'm 27 years old, have a feeding tube, and have several undiagonised medical condtions that may never be fully revealed, and there is no Dr. in Austin that can tell me what is wrong, because they have never had a patient like me that has so many disfunctions at the same time.

I am afraid to go to sleep tonight because I can just sense that something is not right and I am afraid that I will not wake up in the morning. My mom really thinks that staying on bedrest tomorrow might "fix" me. I HATE that she keeps coming up with "lets try this or that" when she herslef has no idea what is going on or how to fix it. She knows that I should go to the ER tonight, but because she hates the hospital and I've been in it for 7 weeks this summer, she can't stand to go back.
Can't anyone just admit that they don't know what is going on with me instead of guessing?
Please pray that I will make it through the night and that I will either be able to go to the ER tomorrow or that I will be better.

Also, my friend Tricia is sick, please pray that she will get better soon. She already has a weakened immune system from her transplant and now her chemo.

1 comment:

Kyle said...

Emily, I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I'm sorry if i am being rude/ nosy but i have had what i thought was a bad day and then i found this blog and could not believe how selfish i was. I am glad to see that you are a christian. At the risk of sounding totally creepy, i want you to know that you are in my prayers... good luck, dont lose hope!!!