Saturday, February 16, 2008

A Visitor's Guide to Austin

Living in Austin is a love hate relationship. On one hand I love it. There is so many interesting and fun things to do here. But on the other hand I hate it. I hate the traffic, and the manic people who drive on the roads.

Here is a little guide to anyone thinking about coming or moving to Austin.

1. First you must understand that Austin is home to the Treehuggers!! If you must choose between hitting a little old lady with your car or hitting a tree....go for the old lady!
2. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Austin has it's own version of traffic rules. Hold on and pray.
3. Directions starting with, "Take Loop 1 or Loop 360" are bogus...there are no roads in Austin that make a loop - all major roads go north and south only.
4. The Chamber of Commerce has just figured out that Austin has had a major traffic problem for the last 10 years.....they are forming a task force to discuss it!
5. The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00. The evening rush hour from 3:00 to 7:00. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
6. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will get rear ended.
7. Don't even think about trying to pronounce Koenig Lane.
8. Construction on IH-35 is a way of life, and a permanent form of entertainment.
9. All unexplained sights are explained by the phrase, "Oh, we must be on 6th St.!!"
10. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it is probably a factory defect.
11. All ladies with blue hair in Cadillac's have the right of way.
12. Koenig Lane mysteriously changes names as you cross intersections.
13. If asking directions on the southeast side, a knowledge of Spanish is proper.
Gang colors is required.
14. Our brand new Bergstrom Intercontinental Airport has only one road going in
and out and it usually is under construction.
15. A trip across town will take a minimum of two hours.
16. Don't carry money, jewelry, family, etc., on any street east ofIH-35.
17. The wrought iron on windows on Airport Blvd. isn't ornamental.
18. Never stare at the driver of the car with the bumper sign that says, "Keep honking. I'm reloading."

1 comment:

Barbara Bergin said...

Funny you should blog about the traffic in Austin right now because while you were discussing the travesty of Austin's roadways, I was in Lubbock, Texas where driving is a pleasure. Somehow, someone up there figured out how to build loops and highways ahead of time rather than after the growth. There are empty stretches of highway out there and those highways GUIDE the growth rather than respond to it when it's too late and you have legal and constuction obstructions. It's amazing and you can get anywhere in 15 minutes.

Austin is a beautiful place to live and I wouldn't trade it for anything but someone wasn't thinking when they built those highways. I have one simple question. Why didn't they build overpasses on the south side going from I-35 to 71-S and on the north side going from S-183 to N-I35? It's a very bizarre thing and makes those two additions worthless.

Barbara Bergin
author of "Endings"