Feeling part 2

So, I ended up in theraphy talking with the "she" in this blog. It went well, but not how I thought it would. More theraphy sessions to come with the two of us, or atleast more "talks".
Oh, goody!!!

I have been thinking alot about my life in the past. About the abuse, the depression, the sucide, and I wonder why? I have thought why didn't the 2nd abuser didn't just rape me? He questioned me about it, but why not go through with it? Why just leave it hanging? I have thought why didn't I cut my wrist deeper to just end my life in high school. Why didn't I take more pills when I tried to die that way? I have shared things in theraphy that I have never told another living person, not even my mom. Some, I am not proud of. I have been in theraphy off and on since I was 8, and yet this is the first time I have openly shared my deepest darkest secrets, and still been OK. My therapist still accepts me for me, and she sees beyond my mistakes.