Monday, May 18, 2009

A Good Day

Today was a good day. Long and tiring, but good. I had an 11am Dr.'s appt. Which went well. More blood work is ordered, but I got some answers about last week's happenings. After the Dr. I went and visited Dakota in the PICU at the hospital. She looked ok, considering. She was more talkative while I was there, but she was also having an ultrasound done. Her fever got to 105 today, with no real answers of why. Her mom and I got to visit some as well. I'm praying that Dakota starts feeling better soon and home is mentioned soon. I know she's sick of being in tht e hospital and wants to be home playing with her siblings, like a normal 3 yr old - not stuck in a hospital bed, consistently being poked and prodded.

After I left the hospital I started running errands like crazy. I went to pick up some calling cards I had made, I went to the medical supply comp. to buy some materials needed for my dressing changes, I went to the mall to see about getting my IPOD fixed, and we fixed it, I went to Half-Priced Books, and bought 2 movies for $5 each, and 3 books by Jen Hatmaker . She is my pastor's wife, but she is also a Christian Devotion Book Author, and a Christian Speaker (she travels the country speaking at Women's Conference's and such). She is the nicest, most genuine person I have ever met.
After the book store, I had dinner with my mom, and then I came home and took a nap, I am just waking up from.

Tomorrow is a "big" day. I am having lunch with my father, in which I have written a speech in my head about how I will never be to old to need a father, in which I give him a book called
" Why a Daughter Needs a Dad", with certain parts starred, which are the ones I especially want him to work on or the ones I think I need the most right now.
My dad and I have never had a close relationship, at times we've had far from it. But, the older I get the farther away he gets. I don't want it to be like that. We were never close, but I don't want "us" to turn into the relationship he had with his dad. When his dad died last year, I had to plan the funeral because my dad wasn't/ didn't have a clue what he was doing. My dad and his dad never talked on the phone, just because. My grandfather was showing all the signs of Alhazamier's (sp?), but by the time my dad figured it out it was too late.
I have watched both MY parents loose their father's this past year. It was a stark contrast in how each parent grieved and then dealt with the loss of their fathers.
I don't want what little years left with my dad to get any worse than they already are. I'm going to try to do what I can to mend the relationship, but I also know that that road is a 2 way street. Nothing will matter if he doesn't want the same.

But before lunch with my dad, I have talk therapy. So I will be able to talk out my meeting and talk about what could and might go wrong or what could and only on a miracle go right.

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