Wednesday, January 16, 2008

I know that we all think "why are we here", "what is our purpose on Earth". I know that I have thought this countless times.
A little background on me: when I was born I spent 6 months in the NICU and during those 6 months, I literally "died" 6 times, each time the Dr.'s brought me back. Then when I got to high school and my depression really hit, I tried to commit sucide on 4 different occasions. So, obvioulsy God wants me here on Earth. That reasoning has really been evident these past few weeks. My life has not been easy. I have spent many months in the hospital. I have been sick a good chunk of my life. I have stuggled with mental illness, with the aftermath of being physically, emotionally, mentally and sexually abused on many different occasions by several different men. I have dealt with a parent who can't accept responsibility for anyone but him, who is an alcoholic and former drug addict. I have dealt with more things in my 27 years of living then most people have dealt with in their whole lives.
But why? Why have I gone through all this? What is the purpose in my life? I may never know the answer to this till I get to Heaven and ask God myself, but I would like to think that it is for this: I think that I have finally come to the conclusion that God put me on this Earth to be an inspiration to other people. I think that I have gone through all the trials that I have to be a light to other people and to show that even though I have been through so much more than they could ever imagine, I am still alive, praising our Lord, and pushing on. I may never hold a full-time job, I may never return to school like I want to, I maybe a nanny for the rest of my life, I may never pursue my passion: marine biology, I may never meet "The One" and have kids, but I have been an inspiration to so many already, and I seriously believe that this is why I am here.
I can relate to so many people, on so many different levels, that most people can't. I can sit with them and say, "hey, I've been there, I know what you are going through".

I have met many "computer friends" on the internet. I know that I will never meet them in life, but through the internet, we have met, and started talking, and share things in common. I am able to use my past issues to relate with them and tell them that I have been there and I know what they are going through, and they are not alone in this world and that they can and will get through this. I don't think that I ever thought that I would be using my stuff to help people in this sense, but I am glad that I can.

1 comment:

Mary in TN said...

There is a reason for your life. I'm a firm believer that God does not make mistakes. He knows what He's doing. Thank goodness He does, because most of the time, I don't have a clue!

Mary in TN